After my beloved Geoffrey sent me a link to “gamer de-motivators” one evening several weeks ago, I spent hours looking through it, having many good laughs, and saving several to be desktop wallpapers.

Then my Number One Internet Fanboy jumped on the bandwagon.

So I figured I’d give it a try or three, myself. I’m not a hugely creative type, but browsing through my collection of photos, I found something to work with:

Yes, that’s my 13-yr-old. And that amused me so much, I just had to try a couple more…

And now for something completely TMI…

My 13-yr-old and 2 of the other (I think) 5 members of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Hat celebrated midnight by performing some odd, arcane, teen-girl ritual on my (very dark) second-floor balcony, involving a pair of candles and a bowl of gummy worms. Since Anxiety is a very trust-worthy girl, I feel this is a perfect “don’t ask, don’t tell” issue.

All I want to know is, why does it seem that my daughters are having way more fun as teenagers than I ever did?! (Well, they do have a really cool mom… *grin*)

In other news, my primary partner Geoffrey inflicted this utterly hilarious (but oh-so-wrong!) video on me. So of course I had to pass along the pain. Note: this is NOT how polyamorous relationships work. Unless you’re a total dumbass …not that I, of course, have ever dated a polyamorous total dumbass. (Well, not recently.) Oh, the video is R-rated, no nudity but definintely what they call “adult situations.”

Geoffrey also sent me a link to a blog that consists entirely of a woman detailing all the dysfunctional relationships in her life, in all their slimy glory. Wow, what a concept. I can (sort of… theoretically… almost) see the appeal in that, or at least the cathartic value of getting it all out. However, they have a nifty thing called a “blank book” — available in all styles & colors — where a person can vent all their miseries, and analyze the dysfunctions, and learn from their mistakes. You can even show it to your friends, and request their views & advice! But putting all the details of the mistakes of your past, and your former sick relationships, online just strikes me as a masturbatory, martyr-ish pity party. (Which is why I don’t do it anymore… Diary-X totally crapping out & losing all my years of journal entries was a blessing in disguise. Much better to focus on what I’m doing right, than what my friends & lovers are supposedly doing wrong!)

This afternoon, I was in a hurry to get home from running errands so that I could make sure Geoffrey had the car in time to get to work promptly. Of course, that meant that when I’d loaded the groceries into the car, I realized I’d forgotten a rather important item (the meat for tonight’s dinner, which Jenn specifically asked me to get, since she’s being a goddess & cooking dinner tonight). So I dashed back into the store, grabbed the meat, went through check-out (thank heavens for self-serve check-out!), and ran back to my car.

Which I had locked myself out of. Yup, the keys could clearly be seen …in the ignition.

But if there’s anything I’m really, really good at, it’s creative problem-solving!

And now for something completely TMI…

The high today in Portland was 102 degrees, making it the hottest temperature ever recorded in Portland for any day in June since record-keeping began. Yesterday’s 101 degrees shattered the previous June record high of only 94 degrees, set back in 1987.

I think there might just be something to that global warming theory.

This is all Molly’s fault. She knows I like these things. And it’s too hot to even consider doing any actual thinking…

And now for something completely TMI…

Let’s see, it’s after 11 pm, and still 82 degrees in Portland. The forecast is for it to hit 70 degrees by 9 am in the morning, and over 100 by dinnertime. Jenn & I have been taking turns watering both our gardens just after sunset and just before sunrise, in the hopes that all the time & money we’ve put into our vegetable gardens won’t be destroyed by the weather.

I’m seriously considering sleeping downstairs tonight, because it’s so hot that just a leisurely walk up the stairs makes me break out in a sweat, not to mention that it’s at least 10 degrees hotter upstairs than in my living room.

The scene from the Wizard of Oz where the Wicked Witch of the West gets a bucket of water thrown on her keeps running through my head: “I’m meeeeeltiiiiiing!”

The heat today was miserable — about 90 degrees — but tomorrow & Monday are forecast to be even worse. The local weather service is predicting record-breaking highs, easily hitting 3-digit temps, with no relief until Tuesday or Wednesday. Damn, I hope it doesn’t kill my garden.

Of course, dealing with the heat without air conditioning (which would only get used maybe 2 months a year, so most Oregonians don’t bother spending the money for it) consists of keeping all the doors & windows shut, with the blinds closed, to try to keep the heat out — until after sunset, when the outside temperature (hopefully) becomes cooler than indoors. At which point, you open everything up and pray that it cools off sufficiently before sunrise, when you shut it all up again. And, as I’m the only adult on my mom’s side of the family who hasn’t come down with skin cancer, I stay out of the sun unless it’s utterly unavoidable.

But I spent a few hours today running errands with Jenn, which was good fun! And she didn’t get on my case about all the whining I did about the heat, either (since it was more fun to just join me). However, she did — repeatedly — label me “cranky” for my verbose and explicit opinions of other drivers. I explained that I don’t have “road rage,” I simply have no tolerance for stupidity…and there’s plenty of that to be had while driving on SE Hawthorne, AKA “Hippie Central.”

Speaking of hippies, the other day Jenn took my 13-yr-old with her to run errands, and they had a discussion involving Anxiety’s “Happy Hippie” school. When Anxiety couldn’t identify a particular tree, Jenn remarked that she thought they taught that sort of thing at Anxiety’s school. My darling daughter then had to admit she’d flunked her “tree test” (which was actually a “native species identification” test). To which Jenn replied, “Why, didn’t you hug it tightly enough?”

Bwa ha ha ha ha! Jenn is a very fun neighbor to have.

Angst needed to go home today, since she has to work tomorrow, so she bribed me with a full tank of gas to drive her — on a Friday, out to Beaverton — utterly miserable traffic!!! Anxiety went with her, since she doesn’t have to babysit this weekend, despite the fact that our 3-doors-down neighbor has her 15-yr-old son visiting from Florida for the summer…and Anxiety thinks he’s the cutest thing since Billie Joe Armstrong. Yup, Jenn & I have been teasing her about her “summer fling.”

Since I knew I had to be back in time for Geoffrey to head to work, I was not about to take either Highway 26 or 217 (which are actually both freeways) back into Portland. While driving westbound on 26, I noted that the eastbound side was a parking lot (and 217 is viciously bad traffic at any time other than maybe between 1-4 am), and resolved to find another route back into the city. Now, I knew there was a way to get from Washington County back into Portland without taking a freeway, but I couldn’t remember exactly how. Thank heavens for the Thomas Guide!!! I have one in my car, and it clued me into catching Highway 10 (which actually is a highway), so I made excellent time on the return trip.

And now for something completely TMI…

If I win the next Powerball (yeah, I know — dream on!), I’m sooooo buying this: Castle Kataryna!

Sure, it only has 3600 square feet (2 bedrooms & 4 baths), and there’s not even a moat (wherever will I put my sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads?!), and it’s at a most unpleasant altitude of 5,000 feet, but…it’s a freaking castle!

Well, it looks like one, anyway. And it certainly would make a really fabulous vacation cottage!

And now for something completely TMI…

In early October, Christie’s will sell a wide variety of Star Trek-related items. Here are some items that aren’t listed in the published catalogue. *wink* (Maybe I’ll bid on Lot 69 — should come in handy at the next Trek con!)

(For those Pacific Northwesterners who just want to drool over the merchandise in person, the Science Fiction Museum & Hall of Fame in Seattle will have auction items on display for 3 days starting Sept. 8th — the 40th anniversary of the first airing of Star Trek on TV!)

10> Revealing “French Maid” costume worn by Yeoman Rand in early pilot rejected by censors (and confiscated for their personal use).

9> Lot 69: Mr. Spock “Vulcan Tickler” brand condoms. Guaranteed for seven years.

8> Horta Beanie Babies!

7> Lots 34B and 38CC: Gates McFadden Starfleet Bra (est. price $20) and Marina Sirtis Starfleet Bra (est. price $2000)

6> Uhura wore nipple shields??! Who knew.

5> Large amp, speaker and white-noise generator used on the set of “Star Trek: The Motion Picture” to drown out the giant sucking sound.

4> The stick Patrick Stewart carried in his rectum for all seven seasons of “ST:TNG.”

3> Official Ferengi XXXL hearing aids.

2> At THAT price, the bucket had better come with Odo still *in* it!

1> Actual Romulan Cloaking Device. (Note: Bid winner’s responsibility to actually find it, but trust us — it’s there.)