I got the bright idea this afternoon to start cleaning up the mess of downed branches that the “landscapers” (using the term very loosely) left in the side yard after the desecration of the vegetation. Of course, it wasn’t until I’d been at it for nearly half-an-hour that I realized my shirt was getting drenched, and the thought occurred to me that perhaps it was too warm to be chopping wood. The weather report I caught about an hour later informed me that it had been 80 freaking degrees, only 2 degrees lower than the record high for this date in Portland. Then I worked on it some more after the temperature went down a bit (and I’d had a whole lot of iced tea).

I hate heat waves, and I’m not thrilled about summer in general. There are so many downsides to summer: bugs, sweating, being overheated indoors & out, high pollen counts, etc. The only good thing I can think of about the heat is that I tend to lose my appetite.

Chopping & carting wood in the heat may have been a really lousy idea…now I have a headache and 3 blisters. All of the blisters ripped open, but only one was fluid-filled and required minor first aid; I couldn’t find any antibiotic cream, so I just washed it carefully, sprayed it with Solarcaine and put a band-aid on it.

At least I have a few weeks’ worth of kindling toward next winter’s firewood supply. I may just rent a chainsaw for the bigger logs, because I don’t think my ax is going to cut it. Pun intended.

Driving back from Midas (had to get my starter checked; they said it’s okay for now), I was in a residential neighborhood on SE 72nd when I saw a large (about 2×3 feet) homemade sign right at the edge of someone’s yard where the curb meets the street. It said, in black & orange paint:

SPEED 25 MPH! Speeders have killed our pets — are our children next?

I have a few thoughts on this, which I’ll address to the sign’s creator & owner:

And now for something completely TMI…

My cats now have their own webpages. How scary is THAT?! Go check them out!

Zadya
Hasani

(Yes, this is serious Crazy Cat Lady material. Remember my motto: Just one bad break-up away from owning 30 cats!)

UPDATE: Since Mari shared the heart-warming story of the late great Jimmy Dunn, I decided to put up a profile of my favorite kitty who’s no longer with us, Andrea. (Yes, I named my firstborn after a cat. And for those who are curious, I named my secondborn after characters from the movies Cocktail and Real Genius.)

Do you know the mixed feelings of finally getting a hold of most of a book series you used to have, but haven’t read in years (and most of which are out of print!), and the added bonus of finding them super-cheap but in good condition at a used bookstore, and getting halfway through the series (and enjoying it tremendously, even more than you’d remembered) — and then finding out that you’ve skipped one in the series (which kinda throws off the whole set) because you forgot you owned that one volume in the series?!!!

Then again, if that’s my biggest problem, I certainly shouldn’t bitch.

And now for something completely TMI…

For years now, my girls & I have had a little dinnertime ritual…one that has endlessly amused me, and has never failed to drive the kids crazy. (Isn’t that what moms are for? Driving their kids totally nuts?) It had been a while since either of the kids had asked, “What’s for dinner?” and so tonight, when Anxiety asked it, I leapt on the chance to haul the old routine out again.

Kid: What’s for dinner?
Mom: Food.

Kid: What kind of food?
Mom: Good food.

Kid: What kind of good food?
Mom: Good, nutritious food.

Kid: What kind of good, nutritious food?
Mom: Good, nutritious, hot food.

Kid: What kind of good, nutritious, hot food?
Mom: Good, nutritious, hot, filling food.

Kid: What kind of good, nutritious, hot, filling food?
Mom: Good, nutritious, hot, filling, tasty food.

Kid: What kind of good, nutritious, hot, filling, tasty food?
Mom: Good, nutritious, hot, filling, tasty, edible food.

(Et cetera, ad nauseum, until either the kid messes up the order in which the adjectives are said, or I run out of adjectives. And I know a lot of adjectives. Bwa ha ha.)

I’ve been doing this to the demonspawn since they were toddlers. This is how my kids learned what an “adjective” is. *smirk*

T-Shirt Hell has a new batch of shirts out, and instead of the usual frat-boy humor, this time there were several that I thought would be good for people I know. Here’s what they should wear:

Mari
Lyse
Karel
Geoffrey
Wendi’s baby
Robert
Jenn
Molly
Dawn

And now, for something completely different — there’s now a cast page in the navigation links. Spiffy, isn’t it?

Once again, the Happy Hippie School has handed out an assignment which shocked me. I was given to understand that this school integrated environmental studies into all parts of its curriculum, not whatever sort of bleeding-heart liberal cause they could stuff into their classes. Just this year, they’ve thus far covered the “evils” of corporations, meat-eating, and expecting immigrants to abide by the law & enter the country legally.

Anxiety just handed me an assignment sheet titled “Understanding the Nature of International Conflict through Film” — please take note of that title, since supposedly that’s what the students are going to learn about by completing the assignment. There will be a field trip to a local movie theater to see Gandhi, which I understand runs 3 hours (and won’t that be a blast for those kids who can barely sit still through a half-hour episode of Yu-Gi-Oh). The assignment sheet goes on to say that students are required to watch 3 movies at home which regard “a conflict in another country dealing with the subject in a serious matter,” then write an essay, choosing one of the following topics: “compare the films you watched with the current conflict in the Middle East, describe how individuals can maintain dignity and courage in impossible situations, or write about the essential components of conflict including what the films taught you about the causes of conflict and how conflict can be reduced in the world.”

I’m so not kidding. Oh, but it gets better!

The list of suggested films included in this assignment sheet reads like a film festival of carnage. Remember, we’re talking about 12- and 13-year-olds here, not high school or college students! Here’s the list of suggested films, with links from the Internet Movie Database:

And now for something completely TMI…

This has got to be the funniest thing I’ve seen in at least a few weeks, although after reading it, I did wince just a smidgen at the thought that Portland seems to be “San Francisco lite”. Since my eldest demonspawn is here visiting, and I’m just working on soaking up the Angsty goodness, I’ll share this instead of a “real” post — and Angst says she knows way too many people like this…don’t we all. *sigh* (Her most recent shopping spree garnered her a t-shirt that I think would look good on all my friends: on the front it says, “I don’t like you,” and on the back it says, “Stop crying.” Tee hee!)

Math for San Franciscans

My favorite is definitely number 9, but number 2 is a close second (no pun intended, but whatever).

If you haven’t filed your taxes yet, you’re late. And while I’m sure everyone is plenty sick of tax forms by this date, here are some which are easier to appreciate than the standard ones put out by the federal government.

Democrat — With a choice of filing statuses that includes “plural marriage,” a handy section for “contributions to keep Jesse Jackson quiet until 2009,” and an opportunity to take the “The World Owes Me a Living!” tax credit, among other appropriate instructions.

Republican — With a handy checkbox to contribute to Rush’s Oxycontin fund, a section for “contributions to Tom DeLay lengthy vacation fund,” and a place to deduct for healthcare expenses incurred during hunting trip with the Vice President, among other appropriate instructions.

I know, spring was officially here weeks ago — but until today, it didn’t really feel like spring in Portland. It was just about 70* today, with a couple or three more days over the next week that are forecast to be that warm. I took advantage of the heat to fiddle around in my balcony garden — which, to my shock and amazement, is actually growing stuff! A couple of the pea plants are already 6″ tall and ready to start winding up on string, so I strung some up for them. For a gal with a black thumb, I’m pretty impressed. I’ll be even happier if I actually harvest real food from any of these plants (apparently the squirrels have been nibbling on some of the seedlings, especially the beet greens). This is what I planted: peas, carrots, broccoli, lettuce, pumpkins, beets, chives, sweet onions, celery, cantaloupe, catnip, and some ground cover called alyssum that makes purple flowers. This piccy shows only about half my planters:

In the background, you can see the hack-n-slash job on the trees, done by the stupid idiots who were hired by the landlord (probably at the lowest bid, and I doubt they know anything about pruning trees). I wouldn’t be surprised if, by the end of the summer, those trees are good for nothing but firewood.

And here is one of the reasons that Portland is such a wonderful place to live — all this greenery! This is the view off to the left from my balcony, and luckily these trees are in the neighbors’ yards, so the idiots who hacked up the trees on this property couldn’t touch them. All these trees, plus the ones that border the back patios of all the townhouses in my complex, form the squirrel superhighway. *grin*