I’ve been making & selling the old sand sculptures in my Neoshop for a while, because it’s been rather profitable (obviously). Here’s what the old ones look like:

They’re pretty cool, yup. But now the colors of sand that are used to make them are getting really pricey, because of the new sculptures out there. To make sand sculptures, you take bottles of different colored sand to the Cooking Pot and mix them. It used to be that only blue, red, green, and black sand could be used to make sand sculptures; the other bottles of sand – glowing, purple, orange, and invisible – didn’t do anything if you mixed them in the Cooking Pot. Now they do:

I know how to make all kinds, except that last one on the right. Grr. I’m going crazy because bottles of purple sand (which used to be fairly cheap) now cost a fortune because they are an ingredient in at least 2 of those new sculptures. And the prices of all the ingredients – to make both the new and old sculptures – are going up. I may have to find a new line of items to market if this craziness doesn’t settle down.

It’s been a really long day. For me, it’s been a 36-hour day, as I foolishly decided to stay up all last night making outfits for my girls to wear at Mari & Doug’s wedding. Once I’d passed the 20-hours-awake mark, it seemed that my brain just started working haphazardly. I’d get distracted by the oddest things (admiring my cat’s elegant sprawl, meandering about the house for a few minutes in a fog before I finally recalled that I was headed to the kitchen for more coffee, staring at the clock in horror at how quickly the hours were passing & how much I had yet to accomplish).

A decade ago, I could stay up for 48 hours with no apparent problems and need only a few extra cups of coffee to stay sharp. The guy who said “Youth is wasted on the young” was clearly into making understatements of the most droll kind. I’m still waiting for that wisdom that’s supposed to come with age to kick in, as deciding to embark upon an 8- or 10-hour sewing project the evening before an event is clearly an unwise thing to do.

So today I officiated at my eighth handfasting in eight years (almost exactly, as the first I performed was on May 25th of 1997). Aside from a few bobbles (Mari laughed at that characterization), things went very well. Obviously practice does help, even if the practice isn’t all that often – the “stage fright” anxiety that I used to feel when performing a handfasting or wedding was pretty mellow this time. I only tripped over one or two words, I think the pacing went well, and I remembered to breathe & just keep going steadily when first the bride, then the groom, started choking up with intensity of emotion during the actual vows. I was equally flattered & relieved when a few of the guests complimented me on how lovely the ceremony was (although I didn’t write the ceremony this time, Mari told me that my collection of handfasting rituals helped influence it).

I really love doing handfastings – not only is it a profound privilege to facilitate a couple’s declaration of commitment & love, it’s simply a heart-warming delight. Every wedding/handfasting that I’ve been part of – at least as officiant – has reminded me that no matter what unexpected problems crop up, all that really matters in the end is the love & happiness & celebration of a couple’s relationship. I’ve dealt with problems ranging from the bride or groom having wardrobe malfunctions, to a relative quite rudely making known their distate of a non-Christian ritual, to significant & unexpected last-minute changes to the ceremony by bride and/or groom (or, in one case, finding out the whole thing would be videotaped just a few minutes before I was to cast a very elaborate circle for a very complexly-choreographed Pagan wedding), to actually having to write a handfasting ritual on the spot just a half-hour before we were scheduled to begin because all the participants had forgotten to bring a copy of the ceremony & it would have been over a 2-hour round trip to retrieve it! But no “bobble” matters when you’re watching a couple express their intention to join their lives in transcendent ways, and even if you’re normally about as empathic as a doorknob, the intensity of the joy & excitement & good will of all the guests is a very tangible & uplifting experience.

And the old cliche is entirely true – every groom is handsome, and every bride is beautiful. Doug & Mari were so radiant today, it’s a memory I’m sure I’ll cherish forever.

You can tell who’s spent a wee bit of time on Neopets, doing things like endlessly stocking their Neoshop and keeping one browser window open with the Wheel of Monotony spinning while playing more games in another window. My beloved Geoffrey didn’t know that the Shop Wizard will ban your ass for running too many searches (hey, I like keeping my Neoshop stocked, especially since I started intensively marketing sand).

However, I hadn’t thought about the comedic value of many Neopets events until I saw this page. (Warning: graphics-heavy! It took my cable modem 3 or 4 seconds to load the page.)

Screenshot #3 made me giggle. Screenshot #9 made me guffaw. Screenshot #13 is just so sad (you know it’s a bad day when you don’t even get out of the store before you’re mugged). And screenshots # 17 & 18 made me laugh so much my side hurts!

Apparently everyone I know is either having babies or thinking about it…okay, not everyone, but sometimes it seems like it. My former supervisor (the niftiest one I had, really – another snarky Gemini chick!) is on maternity leave, my coworker who sits next to me (and yet another snarky Gemini chick) is expecting in August, a guy in my department just had a beautiful baby boy with his girlfriend (possibly the prettiest baby I’ve ever seen), my Number One Internet Fanboy’s ex-wife just had her baby, and now…

I used to think it was kind of sad for my beloved Geoffrey’s parents that they probably weren’t going to have any biological grandkids. I can’t make babies anymore (thank heavens), and Geoffrey’s sister married a guy 10 years older with custody of his 2 kids, a boy & girl who are 13 & 11 respectively. I figured Geoffrey’s brother-in-law didn’t want any more, considering his are two-thirds grown, and besides, three kids is a “big” family in this day & age.

She’s due shortly before Thanksgiving. I’m betting it’s a girl, and it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if she popped near (or on?!) my eldest’s birthday. Yup, Geoffrey is going to be a biological uncle. Scary thought of the day…this new kid will have about 25% of his genetics to carry on into the next generation. *grin*

Mari’s upcoming wedding has a Renaissance-garb theme (my SCA daughter is making me a new corset!). I suppose afterward the guests could all go to a RenFaire, if they wanted…

The Top 17 Signs You’re at a Bad Renaissance Festival

17> The castle and village are made entirely of Legos.

16> Turkey leg bears striking resemblance to cocker spaniel leg.

15> Festival activities include “Ye Olde Wet T-Shirt Contest.”

14> Eight- minute drum solo in the middle of “Greensleeves.”

13> “Belly up to the bar, me lad, for some grilled mahi-mahi and fresh California roll!”

12> Ye Old Glassblower makes nothing but crack pipes.

11> The mead is served in a coconut shell with a Fizzy straw.

10> Everyone seems to have attended the Kevin Costner School of British Accents.

9> Mosh pit follows the wandering minstrels.

8> You get charged 5 bucks to take a leak behind Ye Olde Hedge.

7> Guillotine exhibit closed due to pending litigation.

6> Friar Tuck’s pager keeps going off.

5> Featured event: Johnson-Jousting!

4> Disgusting Ogre is merely an unshaved Marlon Brando.

3> “Tarry, wench, I prithee! Wouldst thou Macarena?”

2> Merlin the Magician’s only trick is “Got your nose!”

and Top5’s Number 1 Sign You’re at a Bad Renaissance Festival…

1> Jousting Crips and Bloods.

As I was listening to my iPod at work today, I had an odd little thought. The song that was playing was the really nifty version of the Scorpions “Hurricane” recorded with the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra as backup (and how cool is that!). And I thought, Wouldn’t it be neat if you could travel back in time with an iPod, and have some symphony composer listen to a piece of modern music?

If you could travel back in time just long enough to have some historic musician listen to a modern piece of music, what composer would you choose and what song would you share with them?

I’d choose Wagner, because I think he’d appreciate the rock of today. And the song I’d have him listen to would be Hanging By A Moment, by Lifehouse. Or maybe White Houses by Vanessa Carlton. Or any of the first 5 tracks on the Evanescence CD. Wow, it’s hard to choose.

I’m a big Neopets dork, yup. I have an entire account strictly for the purposes of collecting purple stuff, in my gallery which I have ever-so-cleverly named “Passion4Purple”. (Hey, I never claimed to be all that creative.)

Some of the purple stuff I’ve collected is expensive as all get out. I have no idea how much my gallery is worth, and I probably don’t want to know. I’m not all that materialistic in real life, but I am on Neopets. At least for purple stuff.

Somebody who shall remain nameless (those blasted snarky Gemini chicks, sheesh, what’s with them anyway?!) gave me this spendy treasure for my Neopets gallery:

Wow. I’m just going to look at it with a goofy smile on my face for a while now.

Between the sick feeling and the exhausted feeling and the headachy feeling, there’s been little to be cheerful about today, but I keep trying nonetheless. (It’s not optimism of any sort, I can assure you; it’s sheer stubborn refusal to be more miserable than I must.)

At least I had a nice hot soak in the tub after work with the new issue of Glamour. And I got approved for the much-needed vacation days I requested for the end of the month (you wouldn’t believe how much I’m looking forward to merely savoring several consecutive hours of quiet, especially after this evening with my children – winners of the “Miss No Internal Monologue” and “Miss Everything I Say Is Cute” pageants – and my cats, the Amazingly Stupid & Needy Feline Bobbsey Twins).

Now I’m off (but then you knew that) to go lie down very carefully so as not to set off the impending nuclear explosion in my skull. Unconsciousness is looking phenomenally appealing.

My psychic gifts tell me there is a rake in my future. Unfortunately, not the kind that sweeps you off your feet and feeds you chocolate whilst detailing in lurid terms using a voice husky with passion just what he’s going to do to every square inch of your skin. Damnit.

Nobody who’s allergic to grass should come near my house today. Geoffrey borrowed a gas-powered weedeater from work and is in the midst of taking down the jungle formerly known as my yard.

Yeah, we kinda let it go a bit. (“A bit” meaning the dandelions are as tall as my teenage daughter, and commando raids would have had plenty of cover in the grass. There are some lovely trees in the backyard that I’m informed are actually weeds.)

Ah, the smell of dying vegetation in the morning…

I like taglines. Back before it was common for people to have home computers, back before there was an Internet, I collected quotes. I’d write the quotes I liked in blank books (sometimes I still do), and it was considered a rather odd thing to do. Now they’re called taglines, they’re everywhere, and it’s just one of those things that nobody thinks twice about.

So how much do I like taglines? Well, I’ve had a text file of my collected taglines on my website since around I started my website (back on Geocities, in the summer of ‘96). I’ve been running Kookie Jar since about the year 2000. When trying to figure out a new name for my SETI@home group, I solicited suggestions from the other members, and when one pointed out that we all liked taglines, I knew we had to be called Tagliners.

I met my Number One Internet Fanboy through taglines. How cool is that? (He emailed me after Googling for taglines, and finding my tagline collection on my website. I emailed back because he seemed like a really nice, rather interesting fellow. And thus a beautiful friendship was born!)

Through the last few incarnations of Tinhead (my ‘puter), I’ve not bothered to update my taglines text page – because, well, Tinhead spent a long time being unstable & having the computer version of nervous breakdowns, so I didn’t want to take the time when it was likely to need to be done again a month or two later. But now it’s updated, yay!

So if you like taglines like I like taglines, I have about 1400 here (I used to have more, but I cleared out all the duplicates, non-clever & non-funny ones, and the most dated ones…because it’s just boring to be sarcastic or silly about stuff that was last in the news in 1997). The file is (mostly) in alphabetical order.

I definitely need some new quotes/taglines. So feel free to suggest sites suitable for plundering!