I am really going to miss Queen of Wands when Aeire wraps it up sometime this year. Especially when I see lines like this one.

Reminds me of the other day when Jordan told me she had “a big bag of ‘No’ with your name on it.” I almost fell over laughing.

I really, really need a t-shirt that says, “Graduate of Lady Weatherby’s Charm School of Shut the Fuck Up.” Oh my, yes.

Because I am a scifi geek, I tend to like to date them. However, the sad truth is that many of them really, really need these tips…

10> It doesn’t matter that she’s your Water Brother, if your wife catches you humping your secretary, the marriage is over.

9> If the person you’re chatting up says she put a condom on her computer to keep it from getting a virus, just smile, nod and keep your mouth shut.

8> No matter how much Heinlein has taught you otherwise, sex just doesn’t work out that way. (Well, it does for some of us, but not for you, Ewok boy!)

7> Whatever other attractions it may have, Klingon is not a romantic tongue. Maybe try Elvish.

6> The Jedi Mind Trick seems to work better if you’re A) wealthy, B) driving a Porsche or C) Leonardo DiCaprio.

5> Don’t put off the important choices before someone’s feelings get hurt. Decide immediately: Kirk, Picard or Janeway.

4> Cybernetic girlfriends are only going to break your heart, then go back in time and kill your mother before you were ever born.

3> Lose the Spock ears, stop speaking like Yoda and for chrissakes, get rid of that depressing robot with a brain the size of a planet.

2> Warning: Any attempt at dating will generally require leaving Mom and Dad’s basement for an unspecified period of time.

1> If, after several IM sessions with “Orion Slave Girl 69,” she refuses to turn on her webcam when requested, you may ultimately be sparing yourself a disappointing lunch with some dude named Herb or Eugene.

(No, I don’t understand why the duck keeps showing up. But it’s FUNNY!)

VH-1 has been running a show about the “40 Worst Metal Moments” that featured such painful bits as the heavy-metal recordings of Michael Bolton, Pat Boone, and Celine Dion. Terribly traumatic stuff. So I wondered…

If you could have any musical artist or band record in another genre entirely, what artist/band and what genre? For over-achievers, what song?

I’d love to hear Josh Grobin record some heavy metal! Or Metallica doing some Irish drinking songs, in classic Irish-pub style with acoustic instruments only. That would be just darling.

There’s a reason I use RandMcNally.com for driving directions, instead of the other available options (everyone disses Mapquest, but they’re actually not half as bad as some of the others). MSN’s MapPoint service is a great case-in-point. Here’s the funny that’s been going around the Internet:

Route finders are fantastic. They save so much time and effort. Try this to see what I mean:

1. Go to http://mappoint.msn.com/DirectionsFind.aspx

2. In the Start section, select “Norway” from the list box and enter “Haugesund” into the “City” field

3. In the End section, select “Norway” from the list box and enter “Trondheim” into the “City” field

4. Click on “Get Directions” …

Well done Microsoft.

Yes, indeedy. Even good ol’ Snopes.com has confirmed the truth of it.

I’m frightened…hold me.

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You’re a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door With more than a touch of geekiness

Who’s Your Famous Blogger Twin?

So the demonspawn were watching VH-1’s stroll down memory lane show, “I Love [fill in year].” I was largely ignoring it, until I heard a familiar sound…Irish dance.

Yes, it was spot-lighting the year 1996, and they did a segment on Riverdance. I personally enjoyed Lord of the Dance more, because for some deranged reason, hunky dancers with attitude perverting classic Irish dance into some kind of masturbatory martial display just gets me totally hot. (I’ve never seen either show live, and for that opportunity, my first question would be, “Who do I have to fuck to get tickets?” Just kidding…mostly.)

So one of the commentators of the VH-1 show was a sassy black woman who had me freaking rolling on the floor by saying, “Now that’s the one kind of dance that black people just can’t do. Yeah, you got us on that one.” Oh gawd, I think I sprained something laughing!

I managed to put my children into a shrieking, pleading fit (that finally culminated in my youngest clamping her hand over my mouth) by singing “Y.M.C.A.” (complete with dance moves, spelling out the letters with my arms like The Village People do it *snicker*). Torturing your children is one of the best parts of being a parent!

What song drives you absolutely batty, to the point that you nearly feel compelled to physically stop someone from singing it?

I absolutely detest “Who Let The Dogs Out.” I can feel my sanity seeping away when I hear it, and I start considering that a short jail term might not be a bad trade off for making it stop.

(This is all Laura’s fault. Tee hee.)

1. 3 names you go by:
Lilith, Lil, Jeanne (I can’t believe I admitted that)

2. 3 things you like about yourself:
- my curiosity…it keeps me entertained & entertaining.
- my sensuality…it makes life happier, for at least a few people.
- my creative problem-solving ability…often both entertaining and makes life happier for at least a few people.

3. 3 things you hate/dislike about yourself:
- my ability to get incensed over small, seemingly insignificant things that piss me OFF. (copied from Laura *snicker*)
- my oft-misplaced tenacity…sometimes it’s important to let go.
- my tendency to go in six different directions at once, and not get anything accomplished as a result.

4. 3 things that scare you:
- falling from a height
- falling down stairs
- falling in love

5. 3 of your everyday essentials:
- cigarettes
- caffeine
- books

6. 3 things you’re wearing right now:
- my green, black, & white plaid flannel pajama pants
- my cute new purple glasses
- my beloved’s green & black slippers

7. 3 of your favorite bands/artists:
- Pat Benatar
- Avril Lavigne
- Linkin Park

8. 3 of your favorite songs at present:
- One Thing by Finger Eleven
- Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day
- Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson

9. 2 truths and a lie:
- I have a strawberry birthmark.
- I’ve kissed the Blarney Stone.
- I’m an ordained minister.

10. 3 careers you’re considering/would consider:
- running a bookstore
- forensic pathology
- being a tax accountant

11. 3 people who may enjoy taking a quiz:
- Molly
- Karel
- Dawn

The exquisite Mari took me & Geoffrey to the US Figure Skating Championships Saturday afternoon. (The others invited wound up iced in – and even the bus runs were cancelled out in Lyse’s neighborhood!) Specifically, we watched the ladies free skate finals. In a skybox suite, lap of luxury stuff! I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again:

Mari is a goddess.

Of course, we had to get some stuff done first…a jaunt to the store for foodstuffs, and Geoffrey had to stop in at work to ready the cash drawers for the evening shift (his assistant managerial duty every day). Since the roads were totally iced, city busses were on snow routes (which means Sunday schedule & some alternate bus routes, with delays). So we walked a mile from home to Geoffrey’s work…in freezing, very windy, iced weather, with freezing rain coming down on us (Geoffrey’s leather jacket was covered with frozen ice by the time we got to our destination, and my hair was also frozen because I didn’t have a hat or umbrella). When we left the house, it was 29* with a wind chill factor that took it down to 2*. (That’s Farenheit, people. You need Celcius, find a webiste that translates. I don’t like Celcius; 1*C sounds colder than 34*F, even though it’s actually not.)

I don’t ever remember walking in such bitter cold, slip-sliding the whole way (the funny thing was that Geoffrey’s expensive hiking boots with good tread were apparently not providing as much traction as my $19 Payless Shoe Source boots that have no tread because they’re over 2 years old). The sustained wind gusts made it especially vicious. *shiver* With Geoffrey at work, I made my way to Freddy’s to grab some groceries. Then more slip-sliding to the bus stop, a bus trip to the MAX light-rail station, and MAX to the Rose Garden arena.

All I can say is WOW! The skybox suite was decadently nice – 2 TV monitors above the bar, a TV in the private bathroom, free snacks (fruit & vegie tray, chips & 6 kinds of salsa, scrumptious cookies, popcorn galore) & drinks (juice, soda, & beer), incredibly comfy chairs with a glorious view of the entire ice.

The event itself was fantastic! We got to see Emily Hughes, Olympic gold-medal winner Sarah Hughes’ sister, and I think Emily is going to be a skating superstar. She placed sixth, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see her win in a year or two. I think she actually had the best presence & high level of exuberant energy of all the competitors. Of course, Michelle Kwan won her ninth US championship, but it was a rather tired routine; I think the “shiny” has completely worn off for her, and she sees skating as just a job anymore.

Unfortunately, I developed a migraine shortly after the event started – and since I haven’t had a migraine in almost a month (miracle!), I had neglected to make sure my Imitrex was in my purse. Luckily, it wasn’t a bad one – probably the least-intense migraine I’ve had in months, if not years – and the Excedrin that Mari gave me actually helped a bit. Aside from the mild pressure & moderate pain, the only difficulty it gave me was a minor problem with my eyes not wanting to focus consistently in the very bright arena.

Afterward, we took the MAX back to the bus stop, and waited in the sub-freezing weather again for the 71 bus to get home. We saw four 71 busses going the other direction during the 65 torturous minutes that we waited at the bus stop. By the time the bus arrived, I was so frozen I couldn’t feel my feet. Thank heavens I’d finished crocheting my purple chenille hat on the bus on the way to the event, or more than my feet would have been numb.

But you know what? It was worth it!!! All the people waiting at the bus stop with us had come from the skating, too – it was kinda easy to tell, since we all had the free umbrellas that Spirit Mountain Casino was giving out! (Nice umbrellas, too – big and heavy-duty!)

Finally staggered in our front door at 11pm, a good 10 hours after leaving the house. I made some coffee, took an Imitrex shot, and next up is a nice warm bath before bed. Wow, what a day…maybe we’ll consider a road trip to Spokane for the 2007 championships!