Just in time for the joys of Beltane (which, depending on your Pagan tradition and/or level of obsession with dates & astrological omens, is either today, tomorrow, May 5th, or whenever the Sun hits 15* in Taurus, whenever that is), I put up a new page in the Pagan Humor section of Cosmic Central - the Discordian Beltane Ritual! (Use at your own risk.)

For those who aren’t sure about what the Pagan holidays are all about, I highly recommend what is quite possibly my favorite humorous Pagan essay, A Humorous Look at the Wheel of the Year. I must have read it a hundred times and it still makes me laugh out loud.

My BFFHS (best friend from high school) Brenda lives out in the sticks, and gave rave reviews about her Netflix subscription, because it means she doesn’t have to worry about getting rental DVDs back on time when the nearest movie rental store is 30 miles away. I thought about the number of late fees I’ve paid on rental movies over the last year or so, and decided to check out the site.

After reading about the free 2-week trial, the fact that you can have 3 DVDs sent at a time, the umpty-thousands of titles available, and the “never any late fees” - of course I had to sign up! We’ve already received our first two movies, and watched one (“Reign of Fire”) & dropped it back into the mail. Our third should be here by Friday - although they told us our first couple would arrive “no later than Wednesday” and we got them on Tuesday! - and at this rate, we can easily watch the six movies per month necessary to make the subscription cost-effective even if you never have late fees at movie rental stores.

I figure we can see not only all the nifty new DVD releases, but indulge in plenty of re-watching old favorites and viewing a few silly movies that we ordinarily would never fork out $3.50 a pop for at a rental place. The movie arriving this Friday is “Auntie Mame,” which is one of the very few movies made before 1970 that I like at all. I seriously doubt that my local movie rental shop even has that movie in stock!

Over at the lovely Molly’s journal, there is an utterly hilarious write-up of one man’s attempt to make something good come out of his divorce.

I don’t think I’ve read anything this funny in ages!

Because Mari and Karel are the coolest…

Post a memory that you have of me in the comments and then copy this to your journal/blog/Thingie.

And yes, I do have a purple Palm Pilot. (Unfortunately, I dropped it too many times & now it doesn’t hotsync anymore.)

Which OS are You?

Found this over at Kylanath’s!

I had an incredibly heart-warming and totally kick-ass phone chat with an old & dear friend tonight. Damn, I miss that ray of fucking sunshine known as Rik the Frikken Prick. He’s still out in the wilds of Iowa, but if things go well he may drop in on us sometime later this year.

Rik is that rarest of creatures - a gorgeous redheaded man. He’s been staying busy with his purple Harley, getting a full-arm sleeve of Polynesian-themed tattoos (obviously a man of good taste), and trying not to lose his prosthetic leg on roller coasters at a trip to what he said should be called “Six Flags Over Some Fucking Place in Chicago.”

Damn, it was good to catch up - though it was basically the synopsis version - with him! Damn, he’s such a wild-spirited & delightfully deranged man!

Once again, I’ve gotten sucked into playing Diablo II. Geoffrey got the expansion pack not long after it came out, and although I normally don’t like PC games, it sucked me in. Of course I always play the Amazon.

One of these days I might even get to the fourth chapter before I get annoyed or lose interest & end up deleting my character…makes me miss Dragon Warrior 4 a lot!

9> The nation’s new closest ally: Egypt.

8> There’s a whole new meaning to a Congressional committee’s burying a bill.

7> All dogs have been rounded up and sent to Guantanamo.

6> NASA, the FBI, the CIA and the Department of Defense are all dedicated to one task: unlocking the mysterious canned tuna/electric can opener connection.

5> New cabinet post: Secretary of the Department of Shiny Things.

4> Fire hydrants are now surrounded by electric fencing.

3> Forget to clean the litter box? Hello, IRS auditor.

2> The Constitution has been amended to prohibit vacuum cleaners. (This is also a sign that bachelors have taken over the government).

1> Al Gore is being used as a scratching post.

(My favorite from the runner-up list was: “Congress works one hour a day and spends the other 23 sleeping, eating and acting important and aloof. So no real difference.”)

Driving back from the wilds of Beavercreek (they claim a population of 3600, but they don’t even have a traffic signal in the “town”) out in Clackamas County, I realized there were llama ranches on both sides of the road at one point. I quipped, “Llamas to the right of us, llamas to the left of us!” A half-beat later, in impeccable syncronization - without so much as even glancing at one another - Geoffrey and I both declared, “Watch out, they spit!”

We are just so perfect for each other.

(This is all Mari’s fault…oh, who am I kidding? I love these silly Internet quizzes!)

The first time I read one of these emails, I thought, “Riiiight…what’s a cubit?” Sadly, though, many have fallen prey to these scams. It makes you think…about the intelligence & common sense level of the average Internet user.

Which Nigerian spammer are You?