Happy Father’s Day! Happy Summer Solstice! And…

Geoffrey and I got married today. Still mind-boggled by it. Details soon, but for now I must collapse…sooo exhausted. It was a pretty amazing day, all told.

Florists clearly have an astonishing racket going on — Geoffrey ordered some flowers for the wedding, and when told me how much florists charge for that crap, I almost had an apoplectic fit! $33 for a corsage, and bridal bouquets start at $85?!!!

Are you fuq’ing KIDDING?! That much money for some dead flowers and a stickpin?!

I’m beside myself. Thank heavens he only ordered corsages for the moms and me, and boutonnieres for himself and his dad. (When I heard boutonnieres are only $8, I said he should have gotten those for all of us.) He ordered purple roses, which is really sweet…but, if they have ANY scent whatsoever, I won’t be able to have a corsage, because rose oil is one of my strongest migraine triggers.

I’m still mind-boggled. EIGHTY-FIVE DOLLARS for a bouquet? (Do you know how many books I could buy with $85?!) Clearly, not liking flowers has saved me a fortune over the years. I will never understand how some people are willing to pay that kind of money for something so incredibly useless.

Less than a week until the wedding, eep! Here’s my list of stuff still to get done:

• Buy a new bra (and probably shoes)
• Get some speakers for my iPod
• Dye my hair (I may be 40 but I refuse to be gray!) & get it trimmed
• Buy the sparkling cider & grape juice
• Finish getting the ceremony written
• Order the corsages for the moms & boutonniere for Geoffrey’s dad
• Check the site for logistical surprises & do a brief walk-through
• Finish sewing the dresses!

It may seem like there’s a lot left to do, but actually most of the preparations are already finished. We have a dinner at Geoffrey’s parents house on Saturday night (eve of the wedding), so all this has to be done by late Saturday afternoon. I am hugely glad that I took these vacation days to prepare, or we would be completely FUBAR.

And my sixpence arrived in the mail today!!! It’s gorgeous, and the lady who took my order was so incredibly nice. When I called to order, she asked if I had a special year in mind, and I said no (they stopped making them 2 years before my birth year, which was the only year which popped to mind). Then she suggested one that’s a century old, to commemorate the year of the wedding, and I thought that was brilliant! So I have a 1909 King Edward VII sixpence for my shoe!

So tonight Geoffrey & I will do a bit of wedding-preparation shopping. Normally I hate all shopping unless it’s for books, but I promised myself a bra from Vicky’s, and I don’t mind shopping there too much. Except for all the ridiculous pink decor.

Oh hey, look — I’m 40. Weird, it doesn’t feel any different from 39.

In family news, my niece is off the ventilator and out of intensive care. She’s still having problems breathing, but the doctors said that is normal when someone is on the ventilator for a long time. I guess she has to cough up all the crap that built up while she couldn’t cough. They finally got a PICC line in, and that way they don’t have to stick her with so many needles. Things look good, except that she’s been running a fever, and doesn’t have much of an immune system at the moment, so they’re watching that very closely. The only visitors she’s allowed to have are her parents & sisters.

In wedding preparation news, my sewing machine decided to go on the fritz last night when I was halfway done making the first bridesmaid dress. I’ve had the damned thing for TEN YEARS and it’s never given me problems. NEVER. So, of course, this gets blamed on Murphy’s Law. I’m going to fiddle with it a bit more, and if that doesn’t help, it’ll be time to locate a repair shop that won’t charge me more than the blasted machine is worth.

Lyse keeps telling me to relax, that I’m on vacation. I’m not, really. I don’t have to go to work, but it’s not exactly a vacation — or, at the most, it’s a working vacation. I’m not even going to think about all the stuff we have yet to finish for the wedding preparations. Gah.

Geoffrey found out more today about being in the Navy’s Delayed Entry Program, and we discovered his basic training starts on April 10th (not in June) of next year. Because I’ve been married before, we have to get a certified copy of the divorce decree (first husband) and death certificate (second husband) so the military can have proof that I’m not a bigamist. (They don’t need to know about my other boyfriend. *grin*)

Poor Geoffrey, he’s not even allowed to talk to females during the 8-week boot camp, unless they’re instructors who have spoken to him in the course of training. That will be rough for him, considering that he’s never been all that impressed by the company of his own gender. Between now & then, he’ll be attending weekly training & PT sessions. They already gave him his first official Navy shirt — it says “United States Navy Health Care Team.” Oh crap, we’re both officially in the health care business now. (All we need is to get Lyse a job with the VA Hospital, and we’ll have a trifecta!)

Totally unrelated, I looked my name up on Google (for the first time ever…scary!), and found something I had completely forgotten about from 15 years ago: I got published in the Dear Abby column. I wasn’t asking for advice, mind you, I was giving it. (I’m sure that will shock and amaze those who know me.) If I’d looked a bit harder, I’m sure I could have found the Letters to the Editor that I wrote to various newspapers that also were published in the early 90’s. Not like I was opinionated or anything. *smirk*

I’m continuing to be woefully unprepared for the wedding; reserving the park and making/mailing the invitations are the only things we’ve accomplished thus far. We don’t have a ceremony hammered out. We haven’t ordered the cake, or figured out what other refreshments we’ll have. I don’t even know for certain what I’m wearing yet — or if I’m going to buy it or make it. Good thing I have several days of vacation immediately prior, so I can frantically catch up on everything and turn into a total stress puppy. Hey, I do work well under pressure.

Hell, the only thing keeping me from completely freaking the high holy fuck out is the thought that on June 22nd, I can collapse in whimpers. Also visualizing a certain book cover helps.

My mother visited yesterday (it was her birthday), and we talked a bit about my & Geoffrey’s plans to get married. At one point in the conversation, she said, “So this is going to change your ‘other’ relationships?” (She’s known for over a decade that I’m polyamorous.)

I laughed. And explained to her that Geoffrey and I have no intention of ever becoming monogamous. In fact, if we have our way, we’ll eventually be adding to our relationship rather than closing it off! (Ideally we’d like to have Geoffrey’s girlfriend Tam become part of our family and household, should the opportunity arise. We already have firm plans to combine households with Lyse in a few years, and while she’s not romantically involved with either of us, it will still be a lifetime family commitment.)

If I was fertile (which I’m not) and we wanted to have a child (which we don’t), there might be some merit to at least temporary monogamy for Geoffrey and me. But I can’t think of any other reason why it would be beneficial to our relationship to close it off. Sure, we had some serious conflicts involving polyamory during our first few years together, but we got those worked out and our relationship has only become better and stronger for it. The current stability of our relationship has lasted years longer than our prior conflicts and difficulties over ‘other’ relationships — and we both earned our current stability through serious effort, putting our commitment as a top priority, and developing more than a little personal growth.

Most importantly, I have a profoundly deep faith and belief that Geoffrey and I will be together forever, and that nothing (and nobody!) can come between us. So we won’t be including vows of emotional or sexual fidelity in our wedding. “Forsaking all others” does NOT sound like a loving sentiment to us!

Non-monogamy isn’t for everyone, not by far! But monogamy isn’t for everyone, either, and certainly not for us.

I’m getting married.

No need to check the date; it’s not an April Fools joke. Even though I’ve been pretty negative about marriage for… well, a while, anyway. Not necessarily the institution of marriage, mind you — just the way most people who take part in it screw it up, and the way I believe the government shouldn’t be involved in regulating a holy sacrament (to most, anyway — excepting those few atheists who, one must assume, see it as nothing more than a economic & legal contract). If it’s a religious matter, the government should butt out. If it’s a civil matter, religions should butt out. But having it both ways is just plain stupid.

Geoffrey and I started dating nearly ten years ago, after being pals for a couple years before that. We’ve been living together for nine years. We got handfasted eight years ago (a valid marriage in our religion, which just doesn’t happen to be recognized by the state), and registered with our county as domestic partners nearly seven years ago. I’ve been completely secure for a reaaaally long time that we’ll be together forever, and no piece of paper will make a difference one way or another. So why get married now?

Actually, the better question is why NOT get married? Being legally single isn’t gaining us anything, and it’s literally costing us more than we can afford (in state & federal taxes, and monthly medical insurance premiums). If it weren’t for the money, would we still consider getting married? Sure.

As I approach my 40th birthday, I realize that if something happened to me in the foreseeable future and I wound up in the hospital on life support, the person with the legal right to decide whether or not to pull the plug wouldn’t be Geoffrey. The person with the legal right to decide who finishes raising my minor daughter wouldn’t be Geoffrey. The person with the legal right to plan my funeral and make choices about my personal belongings wouldn’t be Geoffrey. Even if I had legal documents drawn up to cover all those bases, it’s entirely possible they could be overturned. Unless we get married.

I can’t let that happen. Even if I live to be 88 like my grandfather (or 97 like my great-grandfather!), there are plenty of other reasons to go ahead and “take the plunge.” Hell, just the quirky amusement of having all our non-Pagan relatives present to wish us well at a decidedly Pagan wedding ceremony is damned near reason enough. (I’m gleefully twisted that way.)

So. While I don’t have the invitations ready to mail out just yet, we do have a date set and plans in motion. Luckily we have the maturity and determination to do this our way, instead of kowtowing to friends’ or family’s wishes. It’s our wedding and we’re paying for it, so it’s going to happen our way. (Ah, the joy of financial self-determination. Some people should seriously try that out someday.)

So, the details: June 21st, mid-afternoon, with Lyse officiating. My bridal attendants will be the World’s Cutest Wife (my dear friend & next-door neighbor Claire), my eldest daughter, and my dear friend Kylanath. Standing up for Geoffrey will be his stalwart friend Jake, and my younger daughter. Wedding colors will be garnet and deep green, the groom will wear a kilt, and the bride will NOT wear white (or walk down the aisle, or be given away, or any of that traditional bullshit — we’re only using traditions that speak to us personally, and everything else can go hang).

I will, however, have a sixpence in my shoe.