* Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?
* Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?
* Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?
* Do you scoop out the litter box after each use? Do you wait at the box with the scoop in your hand?
* Do you think it’s cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter?
* Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?
* Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?
* Do you kiss your cat on the lips?
* Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork?
* Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat?
* Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it?
* Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?
* Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?
* Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat?
* Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?
* Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?
* Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse?
*Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa’s lap? Does your cat sign the card?
* Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?
* Does your cat eat out of cut crystal stemware because you both watched the same commercial on television?
* Do you microwave your cat’s food? Prepare it from scratch?
* Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so you won’t disturb the sleeping cat?
* At the store, do you pick up the cat food and kitty litter before you pick out anything for yourself?
* Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays?
* Does your cat “insist” on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelet made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout?
* Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children? (Pollsters claim that 40 percent of cat owners carry their pet’s pictures in their wallets, by the way.)
* When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that they say a few words to your cat as well?
* Do you accept dates only with those who have a cat? If so, do you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along?
* When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them?

One thing that continually intruigues me about cats is how they live so compatibly with humans, are so similar to us in many ways, but always have a mysterious charm and attractive alienness. They’re “domesticated” yet remain almost wild - nothing your sweet little housecat does is very far removed from what a tiger or jaguar does. They’re very nearly magical.

Tasha was smart and coordinated enough to drink out of glasses - sometimes sticking her entire head inside one - without ever tipping it over or spilling. (By comparison, my current kitty Hasani has knocked over approximately 247 beverage containers, because he knows there’s liquid in there and he wants to get it out…but he hasn’t yet connected the spill that results with his tipping over the glasses!) Tigger’s big trick was holding very still for seemingly forever, being a living cat statue. Ah, the “joys” of a Keanu cat - all looks & no brains!

Picture, that is. My cousin Lyse is at least as cat-crazy as I am. She raised her cat Wolverine from a tiny kitten too young to eat catfood, to become the big lug he is now. I don’t have any pic of her cat, but I do have a pic of her with onr of my cats, so here it is:

This was taken when Lyse came all the way from Pennsylvania to visit me (on her way to her new duty station). Lyse totally rocks!

(Only half an hour to go…and I am so incredibly ready for bed!!!)

A friend of my mother’s adopted one of the babies from Tasha’s first litter, and quite some time later, my mother visited that friend when she had the kids with her. So my girls got to see one of the kittens they’d been so entranced by when he was all grown up, and looking very elegant in his tuxedo coat.

This picture is from autumn of 1993; Angst & Anxiety were 5 and 1, respectively. (I’m certain of the date because Anxiety got ahold of scissors just after Christmas, when she was 15 months old, and cut off all those beautiful ringlets that you can see in this picture. She never did grow curls again.)

9 out of 10 serial killers own cats.

A cat shall lead them — but it will be a trip of sudden starts, stops, reversals and darting from side to side.

A cat is always on the wrong side of a door.

A cat is an animal who never cries over spilled milk.

A cat is an extension of God.

A cat is the universe’s way of showing us perfection.

A cat spends her life conflicted between a deep, passionate and profound desire for fish and an equally deep, passionate and profound desire to avoid getting wet. This is the defining metaphor of my life right now.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.—Jeff Valdez

Catalogue: How to tell one sort of cat from another.

Cats humor us because they know that their ancestors ate ours.

Cats know how we feel. They don’t give a damn, but they know.

Curiosity not only killed the cat, but threw it in the river with weights tied to it’s feet.—Terry Pratchett

Curiosity? Nah. I got THAT cat with a lawnmower.

Don’t ask me. The cats are in charge around here.

Felinious Assault: Striking someone with a cat.

Give the gift that keeps on giving: a female kitten.

Help! I’ve got a cat in my lap and I can’t get up!

I bathed the cat—it took HOURS to get the hair off my tongue!

I have a watch cat! Just break in and she’ll watch.

I inherited curiosity from my cat. Why do you ask?

I like cats, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.

I love cats ‘cause they’re stranger than I am!

If cats have kittens, do bats have bittens?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, those PETA people would be all over your ass in a heartbeat.

Just because a cat licks itself does not mean it is clean; it simply means it is covered in cat spit.

Many people own cats, and go on to lead normal lives.

My cat makes me search the room for invisible intruders.

Never try to outstubborn a cat.

People own dogs. Cats own people.

Put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire!

Q. What is the difference between a cat toy and a scratching post?
A. Anything nailed down is a scratching post, everything else is a cat toy.

Sure, it’s clean laundry. The cat’s sitting on it, isn’t he?

They lied… when they said cats taste like chicken.

To a cat or a teenager, “NO!” means “Not while I’m looking.”

To start your cat collection, simply open a can of tuna.

You are nobody until you have been ignored by a cat.

If you don’t talk to your cat about catnip, someone else will.

Before we wised up (and realized Tasha was sneakier about getting knocked up than we were at militantly guarding the exits to prevent her from doing so) and got her fixed, Tasha presented us with a second batch of babies. On the theory that she might like feline company full-time, we decided to keep one of them this time. Aren’t they cute?

The Blogathon has been quite the experience. I’m really pleased with myself for sticking it out.

Just because the Blogathon is over, doesn’t mean that the charities all the participants blogged for wouldn’t be perfectly content to take your donation! Of course I’d love to see more donations going to my chosen charity, the Cat Adoption Team no-kill sheler!

So, it’s been a fun and tiring 24 hours. Maybe I’ll do it again next year…we’ll see!

So we kept one of Tasha’s kittens, and named him Tigger because he was so bouncy. I swear, I think he was oxygen-deprived at birth or something, because he was absolutely the stupidest cat I’ve ever met. Considering that his mother was practically a Ph.D. on the cat intelligence scale, it’s the only theory I could come up with. We had a coffee table with a mirrored top, and Tigger would chase the reflection of his tail until he spun right off the tabletop. He’d land most ungracefully, look confused and somewhat insulted, then hop back onto the coffee table and do it all over again. Yup, Tigger had all the brains that God gave an avacado. But at least he was pretty.

Wow, those half-hour marks seem to be rolling around faster & faster. I wonder if I’ll actually fall asleep in the seconds that it takes me, immediately after 6 am, to stumble down the hall to my bedroom and transit from vertical to horizontal. I suspect I may be physiologically asleep prior to actually landing in my bed.

Everyone in the Blogathon could use a good chuckle and a bit more oxygen at the moment, I’m sure. I know I can’t fall asleep while I’m laughing, so…

Check out these several pages of funny cat pics. My favorite is the poor kitty on page 5 whose owner had: 1) nothing to do, 2) a sharp knife, 3) a large lime, 4) a patient cat, 5) too much tequila, 6) and it’s football season.

(Oh yeah, I’m starting to feel vaguely loopy. I’m not sure if I’m ready to take on the night, or if the night is going to take on me. Anyway…this list might be vaguely icky, but then, I have a vaguely sick sense of humor!)

10> Chicken wigs.

9> “Oh darn, we’ve lost the shuttlecock again. Whatever shall we do?”

8> A gentle suppository.

7> Collect enough of them to form a new cat. Chances are it will be friendlier than the one you have.

6> Area rugs. Really small area rugs.

5> Train kitty to hack on demand. Carry him with you at all times. Muggers beware!

4> Market them as a toupee patch kit.

3> Sell them on eBay as “Bill the Cat memorabilia.”

2> Put a few in an old aquarium, add cedar chips and a water bowl, tell your kids they’re “just sleeping” and voila! Instant maintenance-free hamsters.

1> Let’s just say I won’t be bothered by any trick-or-treaters *next* Halloween.