It was a long, long, long, long week at work. Especially the last few days, when everybody apparently noticed that it was the full moon and become total fraking shits (the callers, not the coworkers). In any case, my weekend officially started 3 hours ago and I’m just starting to unwind…

Since getting home, I’ve finished another Christopher Moore book (Fluke), had a long bath and a short shower, put a whole lot more eye makeup on than I usually do, plucked the living hell out of my eyebrows, slathered the yummy plum-peppermint foot lotion on, and checked my Netflix queue.

My Number One Internet Fanboy is on his way for dinner and dessert, and I expect the rest of my weekend will be chock-full of housecleaning and naps. Right now my blood sugar is so low that I almost gave into the temptation to taste the yummy plum-peppermint foot lotion, but that will be remedied soon. Yay for Friday night!

It was too hot today to do anything but make a mad dash to Powell’s (a very brief trip, since it doesn’t seem that they have air conditioning), hit the KFC drive-thru, then go home and watch DVDs. After watching my most recent Netflix documentary (Hijacked: American Experience — which has so far been the only episode I’ve seen of the series that wasn’t worth watching), we browsed through the Comcast OnDemand free movies. Mostly the OnDemand free movies are really bad horror flicks, really bad comedies, really pathetic old movies, once-in-a-blue-moon good documentaries (currently Murderball — quite a good one! — is playing), and the occasional good old movie.

When I found out that neither Anxiety nor Lyse had seen Rosemary’s Baby, of course we had to watch it. Not only because it’s an entertaining movie, but because it’s fun to watch a 15-year-old become confused when shown such things as people dialing rotary phones, using a phonograph player, smoking indoors, and using a television clicker (what they called TV remote controls back when they actually made a clicking noise when you pushed a button). The movie is only a year older than I am, but it sure is interesting to see the changes in daily life that have happened in only 40 years.

(I remember when I was 6 years old, and postage stamps went from 10 to 13 cents — and you had to lick them, as they weren’t self-sticking. I wrote a lot of letters to my grandparents, as they often stuck a dollar bill in each reply. Candy bars were 15 cents or two for a quarter. The TV Guide and the National Enquirer — which, in addition to Sesame Street, were how I learned to read — both cost 25 cents. The Tooth Fairy usually brought me either 25 or 50 cents. I can’t remember what anything else cost in 1975, so you can see exactly where my 6-year-old priorities were.)

Anyway, for a gal who doesn’t like classic films, I heartily recommend Rosemary’s Baby. There’s no gore, the single scene with “blood” looks exactly like red paint, and it has only a few minor curse words and a couple of very brief nude scenes (Mia Farrow had very cute boobs, btw). All in all, nothing that would garner more than a PG rating these days. It’s certainly not a horror flick by any stretch, although I suppose it could be considered a psychological thriller. Anxiety was terribly disappointed that you didn’t get to actually see the devil-spawned baby. Poor child had to use her imagination (which is another thing that apparently has gone the way of the 13-cent postage stamp).

Hopefully tomorrow Geoffrey will watch his newly-arrived Netflix movie with me. Yes, it’s a totally awful horror flick, but hey, it’s got a devil-spawned baby in it…and I just can’t resist those movies. (I have got to get ahold of It’s Alive and It Lives Again on DVD!)

Apparently what I’ve thought was a sinus headache that’s lasted 4 or 5 days so far was really a migraine. I already have 7 different drugs in my system (antibiotic, prescription antihistamine & decongestant, my daily prescription of migraine-preventative, OTC cough syrup, OTC decongestant & OTC expectorant — which the doc said were all okay to take along with the prescription stuff), so I didn’t want to take an Imitrex also. But I hurt so badly this morning that I took one, and within 90 minutes my headache was barely a shadow of its former self. Guess I should have tried that sooner.

I did get the doctor to prescribe me some codeine cough syrup last night, and I actually slept 8 hours straight! I had some truly odd and vivid dreams, but otherwise it was good, restful sleep. However, I’ve discovered if I don’t take the cough syrup every 4 hours on the dot while I’m awake, the horrendous coughing fits return. Luckily codeine doesn’t affect my functioning the way it seems to in most people, so I can take it round-the-clock without worry.

The pharmacist recognized me when I went in to pick up the cough syrup last night. I hadn’t even gotten all the way to the counter when they waved the bottle at me, saying, “Phone order, right?” That can’t be a good sign…

(And yes, I got a neti pot on Monday. Lyse told me about them quite a while ago, and by Monday I was feeling so horrid that I was willing to try damned near anything, even putting salt water up my nose…which is a very objectionable thought for me, as I’ve come too close to drowning more than once. But it does seem to help, at least temporarily.)

Last Tuesday I started coughing, out of the blue. One hour I was fine, the next I was feeling like hell. The next day, I started feeling better — well enough to cancel the doctor’s appointment I had made for that evening. Over the weekend, however, it got worse…and by Monday morning, I was in such bad shape that I only managed to stay at work for a couple of hours, and I made another doctor’s appointment that I did go to.

I didn’t get to see my regular clinician, the amazing Madeleine. Instead, I was stuck seeing an old guy who diagnosed me with a sinus & respiratory infection and refused to give me a prescription for my cough; he just prescribed antibiotics and an antihistamine, and said I should be able to get relief for my cough from over-the-counter medication.

Thirty hours later, I am having coughing fits several times a day that last about an hour each — with each cough triggering an intensely painful stabbing sensation through my skull — leaving me exhausted, sweat-drenched, and with a voice so ragged & hoarse that I have no idea how I’m going to manage at work when I go back Thursday. Last night, I woke up Claire during a 4am coughing fit — you know it’s bad when you wake up your next-door neighbor!!!

Sure, I called the clinic back and let them know how badly off I was. The receptionist said she’d pass along my information to the advice nurse, who would be calling me. That was over 3 hours ago; I haven’t heard from the nurse yet. When I called about an hour ago, I was told by a different receptionist that the message had been given to the nurse, and I just had to be patient. I wonder how patient she’d be if she was entirely miserable from coughing for an hour straight, with a head in more pain than most migraines.

I don’t know how I’m going to muddle through work on Thursday. It’s not as if I can rest my voice! I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get a good prescription cough syrup before then. The only (pitifully small) bit of good news is that I have Friday and the weekend off, to try to recover.

It’s been 30 years since I’ve been able to be in Hawaii on my birthday, but one of these days I’ll have to get back there and really celebrate the hell out of it. I have vague memories of being about 6 or 7, and thinking the parade and all the other Kamehameha Day excitement was because of my birthday. I was a special kid.

Yesterday — the lovely Kylanath’s birthday! (hope it was a wonderful one!) — was one of those days when nothing seemed to go right for me. The drive into work was nerve-wracking due to strong wind gusts…and trust me, there’s nothing fun about crossing a bridge with steel grating on a two-wheel vehicle in wind gusts of varying strength and direction. It sure does wake you up, though; I barely needed my coffee after that bit of adrenalin. After an insanely busy day at work where our call volumes were 5 times normal (partly because a bunch of the senior operators called out sick), I got home only to immediately turn around and have to leave. Lyse had a monster migraine and had to go to the ER. We were there for five & a half hours, and didn’t get home until nearly 11pm…which is past my bedtime, anymore.

The one possibly amusing moment of my day yesterday was a phone call from my youngest demonspawn, on her last day of school. She was lucky enough to catch me on my lunch break. There was a ton of background noise, so I had trouble distinguishing exactly what she was saying. It went something like this:

Anxiety: “Can I bring home a biology [garbled word that might be "textbook"] for the summer?”
Me: “Sure.”
Anxiety: “Yay! You have to tell my teacher that it’s okay! I’ll put him on the phone.”
Teacher: “I just need to get your permission on this directly.”
Me: “Sure.”
Anxiety: “Thank you, Mommy! I love you!”

About two whole seconds after the line disconnected, my brain’s review mode kicked in and processed what that garbled word was. It wasn’t “textbook.” It was “tarantula.”

Shit.

(But Happy Birthday to me anyway!)

Work is sometimes amusing. For instance, my special project (i.e. not my main job) is the employee database. (Some of my loved ones have heard me moan about the 45,000-line spreadsheet this project is based upon.) In the course of doing this project, I get to read every single employee’s name in our company. Thousands upon thousands of them. And all I have to say to the guy named Vanyel is: “FANBOY! And, I hasten to add, stupid fanboy!”

(I was enough of a fangirl to get a bondbird feather tattooed onto my arm, but I did not change my name to an angst-ridden character from a fantasy-adventure novel.) But I just feel sorry for the employees whose parents were obviously aging hippies…like the gal named Meadow.

Now let me bring you something I’ve been thinking about doing for some time…

Things I’ve Learned From Working As a Hospital Switchboard Operator

• Neurosurgeons really ARE as arrogant and god-complex-ridden as the guy on that TV show House. Most of them, at least.
• People are phenomenally stupid. Most of them, at least.
• There are no few people who do not understand the concept that “psych” and “psychic” are not the same term.
• Most parents often do not remember their child’s doctor’s name. (I ask you, if someone was cutting open your precious child with a scalpel, or giving them controlled substances, wouldn’t you remember their goddamned name?!!!)
• Many people are horrifyingly willing to tell a complete stranger their intimate medical & personal details at the drop of a hat. (And if you’re one of them, STOP THAT!)
• Way too many people are willing to give their Social Security number to someone over the phone. (This is one of the ways that, until quite recently, we could look up patient appointments.)
• In contrast, way too many people are unwilling to give their phone number to someone over the phone. (I mean, really — how the HELL am I going to misuse your phone number?!) Luckily, I have damned good Caller ID.
• People apparently feel that the correct response to being told (politely) that what they said was not understood is to say the exact same thing louder and/or faster. Neurosurgeons, especially.
• Enunciation is a lost skill. It’s appalling how many doctors can’t even speak their own name clearly.
• Stupid people are, indeed, breeding at an alarming rate. (And if you’re one of them, STOP THAT!)
• The entire health care system is horrifyingly inefficient. Try not to get sick or injured.
• Most doctors (especially the ones on-call after hours) are overworked and overtired. If you must get sick or injured, do it during regular business hours.
• Most non-doctors in the health care industry are woefully underpaid. Please give them the benefit of the doubt. A little niceness goes a long way.

The calendar says it’s April, but apparently Mother Nature didn’t get the memo, because it’s been cold and obnoxious. I say we change the name of the month to Apruary.

I wanted to blog on the 1st, but I couldn’t think of anything appropriate for the day. I knew nobody would believe that I was entering a convent, pregnant with triplets, taking up body painting at Burning Man, or fucking Matt Damon.

Having 5 cats in the house for the last 10 days has been terribly amusing. It did not surprise me that, after the first couple of days, Zadya stopped hissing & growling at the interlopers (Lyse’s cats — Wolverine and Gizmo…gee, you think she likes movies or something?). Nor did it surprise me that Hasani was apparently too stupid to notice that a couple of new cats were in his house, and continued to be terribly confused every time he spotted one of them. It did, however, surprise me that Michiko still hasn’t stopped being afraid of Lyse’s cats. Maybe it’s because they’re both at least double her weight…or maybe she’s just a weird little kitty. I mean, damn — she eats lettuce! What kind of cat loves lettuce?!

Anxiety made us go to IHOP tonight for dinner, because she wanted Who-Cakes. I hate pancakes, but I discovered that they make pancakes with cornmeal — and they’re scrumptious!!! We all made fun of Lyse because she eats her pancakes from the inside out. Then the Red-Headed Stepchild said that she eats her pancakes clockwise, so we made fun of her too.

My new bed is really damned spiffy. It’s HUGE. I made a joke the other day that it’s called a California king-sized because it’s not politically correct to call it “orgy sized.” Desmond at work nearly choked to death laughing. I just love that boy; he’s utterly adorable…even if he did call me “Kitten” when I arrived for my 4 hours of overtime today. (Don’t get any ideas, people. Only Desmond is allowed to call me that. He won my heart a few weeks ago when he arrived at work coughing & sniffling one day, and I asked him if he was sick. He smiled brightly and answered, “Yeah — you wanna make out?”)

In other work news, I was absolutely stunned when I was elected to become one of the two call center reps who helps represent the rest of the reps at meetings. I had no idea that enough people liked me and thought highly of me to vote for me! (I know I’m good at my job, and I try to be likeable, but it still blew me away. I kinda felt like Sally Fields accepting an Oscar.)

Law Dog is one of my heroes. Read this to find out why.

Now going to try to relax and enjoy the rest of my weekend.

Work — Co-workers are leaving the department like rats deserting a sinking ship. By the time I hit my 1-year anniversary in mid-May, I will be 11th in seniority, in a department of approximately 26 people. I was highly complimented by a couple of my leads encouraging me to apply for the upcoming lead opening. I told them no; I like my day shift too much to switch to four 10-hour swing shifts. Anyway, when I said I wasn’t applying for the lead position, one of my leads replied, “Okay, but please just don’t leave the department!” It was said with no little bit of urgency, which was a lovely compliment.

Home — I got the coat closet completely cleaned out and organized. (Exciting, eh?) And got an emergency food & water supply set up in case of natural disaster, the collapse of civilization, or zombie wars. By Monday night, I will have a California king-sized platform captain’s bed with a brand-new mattress and 4 brand-new pillows (purchased today). Dustin bought the bedframe a few months ago, but since he & Angst got a new place with a smaller bedroom, he offered to trade it for the nice & cushiony (but not huge) futon that Geoffrey & I have (plus, of course, the nice sheets that fit that bed). New sheets from EgyptianPeddler are on their way (to make Geoffrey smile, we got black…with 2 black pillowcases and 2 burgundy).

Health — It took over 3 weeks, but I seem to be finally recovered from the horrendous ick. I was so sick, I didn’t see Karel for damned near a month. On the upside, being sick enough to do little more than sit meant I got a ton of crocheting done.

Offspring (mine) — Everything seems to be going well. As far as I can tell.

Offspring (not mine) — Jonathan finally cut some teeth, just yesterday! He’s still the sweetest, most adorable, most delightful little boy ever. Also the quietest baby I’ve ever known; he doesn’t babble constantly like most babies of not-quite 9-months old, just makes the occasional pronouncement of a nonsense syllable or two when he’s done thinking about something. He’s also one of the most affectionate kids I’ve ever seen. He just loves to throw himself at you for hugs. He also loves to pet the kitties, without too much grabbing at them…Hasani will usually put up with it for several minutes.

Men (mine) — I have incredibly fabulous lovers, who have been wonderful in putting up with my whining about being sick for the last 3+ weeks, not to mention my inability to be a tigress in bed due to constant coughing and sniffling.

Men (not mine) — I’ve been re-reading my books on polyamory, which helps remind me that I have incredibly fabulous lovers. So hey, the NRE is long gone…c’est la vie, and all that. At least I’m not frequently in tears or a raging fury over the asshattery of some guy I’m involved with. Thank the gods.

Sex — My love life is (still) like a fusion reactor: incredibly hot, immensely powerful, and mostly theoretical.

Friends — I’ve come to the conclusion that pretty much everyone I really, really like is someone who (with rare exception) pretty much doesn’t like people. Friends who help you avoid becoming hermits altogether, but who understand why you might be inclined to do so, are invaluable!

Critters — Lyse is going to the South to visit her mom for about 10 days, starting late next week. This means I’ll have 5 cats in the house during that time…should be quite exciting. The 2 boy hamsters got out of their cage, then unbeknownst to us ate something poisonous to them before they were recaptured, and both died the next day (for yet another rodent funerary rite in the side yard). The gerbil, and surviving hamster, are too freaking adorable, and fun to play with. The lizard is shedding and irritable fairly often, but likes to eat greens out of my hand, and is very happy with his new stone corner platform that I got for his cage. The bunny has shed so much recently that I swear he’s hiding another 3 or 4 bunnies somewhere! We clipped his nails, which he hates, but he seems a lot happier for it.

Netflix — I have gotten through many, many documentaries on the Dark Ages and the Anglo-Saxons, most of which were quite good (and just a couple of which were loathsome). Next batch in the queue is the Vikings and the Crusades, followed by a bunch on the history of British royals (yes, all of them). And then a bunch of American history. (I’m trying to stay at least vaguely chronological.)

Crocheting — I’m about 3/4 done with the enormous blue & black afghan that I’ve spent most of the last month working on, which Angst desperately wants to have. I still have to finish my green filet crochet of Celtic knotwork, a purple shawl-type thing I’m making for my grandmother’s birthday in early May, and the purple artsy-spirals thing I’m planning on making into a wall decoration. There are probably more unfinished projects…I just can’t remember what else I have going. At least I haven’t started making the socks, or the thread crochet skirt, that I’ve already bought the yarn for! The good news is, I virtually always finish my crochet projects…sometimes it just takes 3 or 4 years (like that granny squares afghan I made for Lyse).

And that’s all the news that’s fit to print.

We celebrated St. Patrick’s Day just a smidgen early this year…

The corned beef went into the crockpot very early this morning. I’d never done corned beef in a crockpot, so it promised to be an interesting experiment. Now that I have, I’ll never cook it another way again. (Here’s the recipe: Put meat & spices in crockpot. Just barely cover with water. Put it on high for 6 hours. Then add cabbage and carrots, and potatoes if desired. Add hot water to just barely cover the cabbage, and put it on high for 2-3 more hours, depending on how well done you like your veggies.)

I also baked Irish soda bread. FROM SCRATCH. I don’t normally bake (or cook, if I can help it) so I was surprised that it turned out as well as it did. Lyse told me 5 or 6 times that it was scrumptious. (Here’s the recipe: Mix 4 cups all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, and 2 teaspoons salt in a large bowl. Add 1 pint buttermilk. Stir until just moistened. Knead only until dough holds together fairly well. Form into a ball, place in pie pan and smoosh it so the top is flat. With a knife dipped in flour, cut an X across the top — if it doesn’t have the X, it’s not authentic Irish soda bread! Bake covered at 425 degrees for 30 minutes, then bake uncovered for another 15 minutes. Best either fresh out of the oven, or cooked the day before and stored loosely covered overnight.)

We also had crackers and Irish cheese (Dubliner, which was a bit hit with everyone, and Blarney Castle, which I liked but everyone else said tasted like anise). And cupcakes with green frosting…because there’s just something about green frosting that makes me smile.

Geoffrey and Lyse spent last night at the VA emergency room, since Lyse re-injured her back and could barely move. I spent all day yesterday (and a good chunk of the night, too) doing laundry and crocheting…but all the laundry in the house is clean! Then today there was cooking, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning out all the critters’ cages and clipping Bun-Bun’s nails (which he HATES), cooking, and cleaning the kitchen. Have I mentioned how much I hate cooking? (But I did get another corned beef, to have next weekend for the vernal equinox. Because I have always looooved corned beef.) I think I slept enough this weekend that I’m on the tail end of being sick — I almost felt healthy today.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Despite having a few days off last week to help recover from whatever hellish ick that I caught, I was still sick all this week. Including today. (The rest of this is just about being sick, and miscellaneous work stuff, so only people who really really like me will give a damn. Everyone else, continue surfing elsewhere.)

And now for something completely TMI…