It was too hot today to do anything but make a mad dash to Powell’s (a very brief trip, since it doesn’t seem that they have air conditioning), hit the KFC drive-thru, then go home and watch DVDs. After watching my most recent Netflix documentary (Hijacked: American Experience — which has so far been the only episode I’ve seen of the series that wasn’t worth watching), we browsed through the Comcast OnDemand free movies. Mostly the OnDemand free movies are really bad horror flicks, really bad comedies, really pathetic old movies, once-in-a-blue-moon good documentaries (currently Murderball — quite a good one! — is playing), and the occasional good old movie.

When I found out that neither Anxiety nor Lyse had seen Rosemary’s Baby, of course we had to watch it. Not only because it’s an entertaining movie, but because it’s fun to watch a 15-year-old become confused when shown such things as people dialing rotary phones, using a phonograph player, smoking indoors, and using a television clicker (what they called TV remote controls back when they actually made a clicking noise when you pushed a button). The movie is only a year older than I am, but it sure is interesting to see the changes in daily life that have happened in only 40 years.

(I remember when I was 6 years old, and postage stamps went from 10 to 13 cents — and you had to lick them, as they weren’t self-sticking. I wrote a lot of letters to my grandparents, as they often stuck a dollar bill in each reply. Candy bars were 15 cents or two for a quarter. The TV Guide and the National Enquirer — which, in addition to Sesame Street, were how I learned to read — both cost 25 cents. The Tooth Fairy usually brought me either 25 or 50 cents. I can’t remember what anything else cost in 1975, so you can see exactly where my 6-year-old priorities were.)

Anyway, for a gal who doesn’t like classic films, I heartily recommend Rosemary’s Baby. There’s no gore, the single scene with “blood” looks exactly like red paint, and it has only a few minor curse words and a couple of very brief nude scenes (Mia Farrow had very cute boobs, btw). All in all, nothing that would garner more than a PG rating these days. It’s certainly not a horror flick by any stretch, although I suppose it could be considered a psychological thriller. Anxiety was terribly disappointed that you didn’t get to actually see the devil-spawned baby. Poor child had to use her imagination (which is another thing that apparently has gone the way of the 13-cent postage stamp).

Hopefully tomorrow Geoffrey will watch his newly-arrived Netflix movie with me. Yes, it’s a totally awful horror flick, but hey, it’s got a devil-spawned baby in it…and I just can’t resist those movies. (I have got to get ahold of It’s Alive and It Lives Again on DVD!)

Apparently Netflix cannot be trusted to correctly label movies. After being impressed with The Cold Equations, I put a few more film adaptations of sci-fi classics into my queue, including A Boy and His Dog and 2001: A Space Odyssey. So what did I get when I ordered A Scanner Darkly?

A fucking cartoon! Nothing on the Netflix page for the movie suggested it was anime, at least not until you get all the way down to the bottom of the page, where they have the “member reviews” section — and who the hell reads those?! I wanted to see the film adaptation of a sci-fi classic, not a bunch of talking drawings moving on a screen. So I’m moderately ticked off and disgusted that I wasted a spot in my queue on that crap.

I may have rented some gawd-awful movies in the past (Roar comes to mind, being total and utter shite) but at least they were not cartoons. At least with Roar, I could tell that the acting was horrible and the storylines were garbage by watching real people. Cartoons have no substance, no subtlety or nuances, no chemistry between individuals, and no real interaction with the settings or circumstances of a scene. Face it, there’s a reason that cartoon characters don’t win Best Actor Oscars!

Zombies seem to be the latest “new old thing” — a fad that’s coming around again. I’m not a huge zombie fan, but I like them better than vampires or werewolves. Or fuq’ing pirates. So suggest a good zombie flick…if I haven’t seen it yet, I’ll stick it on my Netflix queue.

Bonus points if you know what movie the subject quote is from (but my trio of Trusted Advisors aren’t eligible for those particular bonus points, since they already know).

Speaking of Netflix, at the top of my queue is a timely documentary: The Haunted History of Halloween. Let’s hope it doesn’t suck. Next are the Stephen King movies that I’ve wanted to watch but haven’t seen yet (only 3 of them — Salem’s Lot, The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer, and The Tommyknockers). And then I have a handful of scary movies that seem interesting (The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Dark Water, Rise: Blood Hunter, and Blessed), and hopefully aren’t awful horror flicks (that would be Geoffrey’s Netflix queue *grin*).

Hopefully by Thanksgiving, I’ll have chewed through all the scary movies and can move on to either the set of Irish dance productions, or the chunk of sci-fi, or the documentaries on a wide variety of subjects, or maybe the handful of flicks about the British royals, all of which are slowly making their way up the list. I have a crazy spectrum of things I find interesting, but I do like to keep something of a theme going and so I tend to group the movies in batches.

And I finally — with extreme prejudice & frustration — gave up on that sweater pattern that I ripped out and re-started FOUR (!!!) fraking times, despite having put well over 20 hours of effort into it. I think the pattern just doesn’t like me or my crocheting style, and after a bit of reflection on the design, I decided it wasn’t particularly flattering for curvy girls anyway and would probably make me look like a water buffalo if I finished it. So I started a different sweater pattern that will look absolutely lovely, with a really nifty raised design. I’m a couple of hours into it and it’s turning out perfectly so far. (*knock wood*)

So anyone who might be hoping I’ll be making them something for the holidays can just get over it. I’m going to beat this particular skein of yarn into submission no matter how long it takes, but I doubt it’ll be finished before December. Unless, of course, a bunch of zombies invade Portland and I have to take time out of my busy crocheting schedule to hack through the walking undead hordes, and that delays me a little while. (What, did you think my battleaxe was for looks ?)

I’m awfully disappointed that Damnation Alley, one of my favorite sci-fi flicks, isn’t out on DVD and therefore can’t go into my Netflix queue. The movie may have been less than stellar cinema (hey, it starred Jan-Michael Vincent and George Peppard), but you can’t beat swarming killer cockroaches for great fun!

I’m awfully glad that I didn’t waste a spot in my Netflix queue on Silent Running, and only wasted 90 minutes of my life on watching it on Comcast OnDemand. It wasn’t a total waste, as I spent most of that time crocheting, while waiting for the movie to somehow redeem itself. But it never did. Between Joan Baez’s highly annoying warbling, and Bruce Dern’s mediocre acting & unappealing face, the vast majority of the flick was dreadfully boring and/or just plain cringe-tastic. Why do so many of the “classics” — not just movies, but also books and music and even artwork — suck so horrendously?!

Netflix makes recommendations based on movies you’ve rated. The damned recommendations it makes don’t go away until you either put the movie into your queue, rate it (thereby stating you’ve seen it), or declare your disinterest in the film. Because I tend to like Mel Gibson (except for that Passion movie, what a bloodbath — and not in a good way!), Netflix has insistently urged me to get We Were Soldiers. Now I certainly enjoy a war movie every now and then — I highly recommend Enemy at the Gates — but after seeing too damned many movies about Viet Nam (most notably the circle-jerk that was Apocalypse Now), I finally declared my abject disinterest in the flick. I’d rather watch “Mad Max: Elderly Wheelchair Races.”

One reason I really like Netflix (for the most part, although the uber-red website is so very tedious) is that it’s nice to be able to track down most of the flicks that I’ve wanted to see at one point or another, and couldn’t for one reason or another. Lately I’ve been on a few different jags, watching several movies in a row that have a common theme: sci-fi, British royalty, polyamorous or otherwise non-traditional relationships, Irish dance, quirky documentaries, Mae West, and the occasional comedy that isn’t (I hope) totally stupid. (Yes, I loathe comedies for the most part. Unless they have Adam Sandler, especially if he’s beating on Bob Barker or kissing Drew Barrymore.)

But I still only have 40 movies in my queue.

I just finished watching Kingdom of Heaven. I’m not exactly an Orlando Bloom fan (not by any stretch) but I liked the movie…although I wish Liam Neeson hadn’t died in the first 20 minutes (because I really do like him). Jeremy Irons and David Thewlis were as impressive as usual, albeit in smaller roles than they deserved. And any flick that has trebuchets bombarding a stone-walled city with flame-covered boulders has at least that to recommend it!

In browsing through Netflix to add more movies into my queue, I realized there are several key phrases that seem to be regularly used in the little synopsis of each movie. I’ve rated over 3,300 movies in the 3 years or so that I’ve had Netflix — and at this point the Netflix AI is stumped as to what to recommend for me. Apparently what I like in movies is at least somewhat indefinable (not to me, of course…I simply like movies that capture my imagination, stir my heart, and/or make me laugh my ass off!).

When I see any of the following phrases in a movie synopsis, however, I’m 99.9% certain I never want to see that movie — and here’s what I think the phrases really mean:

• Family-friendly retelling: dull as hell…I mean, dull as heck
• Independent horror offering: four-figure budget with story & acting just as cheap
• Oscar-nominated documentary: pretentious and boring
• Subtitled: headache-inducing and boring
• Classic: tediously slow and boring (except for The Bridge on the River Kwai)
• Moving, inner-city drama: depressing, politically-correct story
• Compelling character study: no plot, no sense, no entertainment
• Hot-button topic: gratuitously volatile and negative, usually to the point of inducing despair
• Romantic comedy: stupid, unfunny, and desperately trying to be cute yet failing (unless it has Adam Sandler and/or Drew Barrymore, in which case it may be stupid but it’s funny and adorably cute)
• Unflinching drama: mind-bogglingly depressing, and probably tedious, to boot
• Madcap comedy: utterly & thoroughly stupid and unfunny
• Political thriller: nerve-gratingly tedious, at least between the explosions & car chases
• Ben Stiller: unpleasant, unfunny, and all-around unappealing
• Continuing adventures: a sequel to another movie that wasn’t very good, either
• Powerful tale: aspires to become a classic, but doesn’t even outshine your average TV afterschool special
• Based on actual events: not that anyone who actually lived through those events would recognize them
• Offbeat, wacky, or zany: mind-numbingly stupid and unfunny
• Indie film: more angst & woe than a Goth convention, and a nonsensical plot (if it even bothers to have one)

I haven’t given many movies a 5-star rating (the highest possible) on Netflix — less than 100, out of the 3,300 I’ve rated — but the ones that I have liked that much are quite varied…everything from Apollo 13 to Dead Calm to In the Name of the Father to U-571 to White Christmas. (And a few personal favorites that were far from cinematic masterpieces — like Evil Dead II, Night of the Comet, Mallrats, and EuroTrip.)

I know I’m not going to like a movie if it’s a family-friendly, zany, powerful tale based on actual events, with subtitles by an independent filmmaker. But feel free to suggest a movie that you’ve liked, that you think I should watch!

I just finished watching the first two hours of the 12-part (each an hour long) From the Earth to the Moon, and I could kick myself for not renting it sooner! The American space program is one of the most wondrous accomplishments of all time, and every American should be well-versed about it. Lyse and I were talking about how wrong it was that many people don’t realize that the space shuttle Challenger disaster was not the first fatal incident of our space program, or that the first moon landing (which happened 39 days after I was born) was not the only manned mission to the moon. It seems that the Sixties are mainly remembered for the Viet Nam war, Woodstock, and flower children…which is truly sad, because the American space program was among the greatest scientific achievements of the 20th century, and certainly the greatest exploratory program in the history of the world.

I personally find it egregious that the first woman in space was Valentina Tereshkova, a Soviet Air Force pilot, in 1963 — while NASA failed to get an American woman into space until a full 20 years later! But From the Earth to the Moon is so inspiring and so well done that everyone should see it!

I was prepared to be quite disappointed in the new release, Bridge to Terabithia. After all, this was a story that I first read when I was about 12, the same age as the two main characters Jess & Leslie — and it thoroughly enchanted me, heart & mind. It was also the first book I’d read (that wasn’t science fiction) where something genuinely tragic happened; by then, I’d become so emotionally attached to Jess & Leslie that I literally sobbed. The story was powerful enough that I remembered it for 2 decades, and bought a copy several years ago to share with my girls. (Sharing the stories you loved as a child with your own children is one of the most precious and joyous experiences of being a parent, in my opinion.) I read a chapter or two at bedtime each night to my girls, and we all cried through the last few chapters. Seeing the previews made me nervous that there would be too much in the way of special effects, focusing too much on the fantastical elements of the kids’ imaginary world — but luckily, the special effects were used with restraint and good taste.

The movie was simply sublime, about as close to perfection as it ever gets when a movie is made from a book. For one thing, the film was extremely faithful to the book — not just regarding the characters and the actual story, but in the way it captured the magic created by, and between, the characters. The young actors who played the main characters were really good, especially AnnaSophia Robb; she played Violet Beauregarde in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but her character in Bridge to Terabithia was so different, and she’s talented enough, that I didn’t realize it was the same actor until my eldest pointed it out! The adults in the story had much less screen time, yet Robert Patrick did an amazing job in capturing the essence of a hard-working family man trying to understand his sensitive only son.

What little criticism I have for the movie is pretty minor, just two points. First, the relationship between Leslie and her parents in the book is funny & clearly very affectionate, and the only reason she’s lonely is because they are parents after all, whereas the movie made it almost seem that she was largely ignored by her parents. And second (and more importantly), there was just a bit more foreshadowing of the tragedy than was necessary — one of the reasons the book impacts a reader so powerfully is the entire lack of foreshadowing regarding what happens at the end. I remember being 12 or 13 and frantically reading through the last few chapters prior to the sad part (which I’m most carefully being vague about, to avoid spoilers), because I was certain that something that terrible couldn’t just happen out of nowhere, with no warning! It was stunning to me precisely because that’s often how terrible things happen in real life: with no warning. And I think the movie fell flat in that one spot, although if you haven’t read the book you might not notice it.

But the rest of the movie was, as I said, just about perfect. This isn’t a “kid movie,” although it is a movie to see with your kids, especially if you’ve read the book together, although I would hesitate to take a child under age 8 simply because it is an intense story. If you don’t have kids, it’s a movie to see with someone you love (and someone you won’t mind seeing you cry). I rarely purchase DVDs — there are hardly any movies I’m interested in seeing more than once — but this is definitely going to be on my shopping list as soon as it’s released on DVD.

Because my Number One Internet Fanboy did it…

Instructions: Use your media player set to random to answer the questions with random song titles.

What does next year have in store for me?
Pink, Aerosmith (Pink, it was love at first sight / Pink, when I turn out the light / Pink, it’s like red but not quite / And I think everything is going to be all right / No matter what we do tonight) Does this mean I’m getting laid more? *grin*
What does my love life look like?
True, Spandau Ballet (I bought a ticket to the world / But now I’ve come back again / Why do I find it hard to write the next line? / Oh, I want the truth to be said) I’m big on the truth, so this is good.
What do I say when life gets hard?
1999, Prince (The sky was all purple / There were people runnin’ everywhere / Tryin’ to run from the destruction / You know I didn’t even care) Um, sure, whatever.
What do I think of when I get up in the morning?
In The Air Tonight, Phil Collins (Well, I was there and I saw what you did / I saw it with my own two eyes / So you can wipe off the grin, I know where you’ve been / It’s all been a pack of lies) Alrighty then…
What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Basket Case, Green Day (Sometimes I give myself the creeps / Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me / It all keeps adding up, I think I’m cracking up / Am I just paranoid? / Or am I just stoned?) Yeah, I’d have to be cracking up, or stoned, to get married!
What do I want for my career?
From The Inside, Linkin Park (Take everything from the inside / And throw it all away / ‘Cause I swear for the last time / I won’t trust myself with you) Not sure how this relates to a career…and not sure I want to know, considering the lyrics.
Favorite saying?
A Reason To Believe, Wilson Phillips (If I listened long enough to you / I’d find a way to believe that it’s all true / Knowing that you lied, straight-faced, while I cried / Still I’d look to find a reason to believe) Maybe this used to be a favorite saying, but I’m much better/smarter now.
Favorite place?
Who Knows?, Avril Lavigne (Who knows what could happen / Do what you do, just keep on laughing / One thing’s true, there’s always a brand new day / I’m gonna live today like it’s my last day) I really like this song lots, even if it doesn’t exactly fit the question.
What do I think of my parents?
Rock of Ages, Def Leppard (Rock on, rock on, drive me crazier / No serenade, no fire brigade / Just pyromania!) I suppose they used to drive me crazier…when I was fourteen. Sheesh.
Where would I go on a first date?
Human Touch, Rick Springfield (Everybody’s talking to computers, they’re all dancing to a drum machine / I know I’m living on the outside, scared of getting caught between / I’m so cool and calculated, alone in the modern world) A dance club, then? Mm-kay, or not.
Drug of Choice?
Lady, Styx (Lady, when you’re with me I’m smiling / Give me, whoa-oh, all your love / Your hands build me up when I’m sinking / Touch me and my troubles all fade) This one is really funny!
How do I describe myself?
Sooner or Later, Michael Tolcher (Sooner or later, we’ll be lookin’ back on everything / And we’ll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening / And someday you might listen to what people have to say / But now you learn the hard way) Frighteningly accurate.
What is the thing I like doing the most?
Runnin’ Thru The Fire, John Cafferty (I got a hunger and a cold desire / Someday it’s gonna take me higher / Just another small flame, runnin’ thru the fire / Just another small flame, runnin’ thru the fire) Again, frightening accuracy.
What is my state of mind like at the moment?
All I Need Is A Miracle, Mike and the Mechanics (And I know you were never right / I’ll admit I was never wrong / I could never make up my mind / I made it up as I went along) *blinks in confusion*
How will I die?
Welcome to the Black Parade, My Chemical Romance (Sometimes I get the feeling she’s watching over me / And other times I feel like I should go / Through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets / When you’re gone we want you all to know we’ll carry on, we’ll carry on / Though you’re dead and gone, believe me, your memory will carry on) Sounds like it’ll be impressive, possibly catastrophic even.
Song they’ll play at my funeral?
Rock You Like A Hurricane, The Scorpions (It’s early morning, the sun comes out / Last night was shaking and pretty loud / My cat is purring, and scratches my skin / So what is wrong with another sin) Is someone giving me a “headbanger’s ball” funeral, or what?
What song will I put as the subject?
It Ends Tonight, The All-American Rejects (When darkness turns to light / It ends tonight, it ends tonight / Just a little insight won’t make this right / It’s too late to fight / It ends tonight, it ends tonight)

Damn, I was hoping more of my Top 25 Most Played would show up…eh, oh well.

I finally saw it. If you’re a fan of bad horror flicks and/or Samuel L. Jackson, it’s definitely adorable. I try to look at the bright side — it could have been worse! (They would have done better to minimize the plot a bit more. No, really.) For ladies who will be watching with a gent, I have one bit of advice. When it gets to the scene when a guy is using the airplane toilet (trust me, you’ll know when it’s coming), be sure to keep one eye on the guy you’re watching the movie with. When the snake bites the guy in the flick, your guy will violently recoil (due to the location of the snake bite). Then you can point and laugh. *evil grin*

I taught Anxiety how to make macaroni salad today. I don’t mind cooking quite so much when there’s a teenager present to amuse me.

Apparently a lot of kids in Portland were thrilled today — and a lot of parents in Portland were irked — because the public school district cancelled school due to weather, although there was virtually no snow and very little ice except in the higher elevations. There was no snow or ice near my house, or in most of SE Portland. But considering the negative response from most parents, I’d be surprised if the district closes school for inclement weather again without several inches of snow, or at least some black ice on the roads!

Yesterday afternoon, I got the migraine from hell. Definitely the worst I’ve had in many months. By the time midnight rolled around, despite the fact that I could barely walk across my living room without excrutiating shooting pain in my skull, I was seriously considering hiking the 15 blocks (about 3/4 of a mile) from my place (in below freezing temperatures) to the nearest 24-hour pharmacy to fill an Imitrex prescription. I was at the stage where I was praying for unconsciousness to escape the pain — OTC medication didn’t do a damned thing, and the icepack facemask wasn’t really helping either. But I forced myself to have a long, hot shower (raising body temperature can sometimes take the edge off the pain, as the blood vessels in your head expand), and bundle up warmly after I got out, and the rioting demons inside my skull decided to calm down just enough that I wasn’t whimpering from the pain anymore. I crashed out after finding a not-entirely-uncomfortable position to sleep in, but Geoffrey said I had a bad night because I kept kicking him in my sleep. My poor beloved!

And now for something completely TMI…