With all the miserable news these days (including me being so sick I forgot what breathing without constantly thinking about it feels like), I figured a little levity was in order.

And now for something completely TMI…

The women who came up with this are clearly geniuses: sell the stuff your ex gave you that you don’t want but aren’t about to give back to him! What better way to recycle bad memories into cash that you can spend on good memories?!

Kinda makes me wish I’d insisted on a few of my exes getting me some of those silly shiny rocks that so many women go bonkers over.

Possibly the most awesome coffee mug I have ever seen.

Have I mentioned that I collect coffee mugs? Yup, I do. Currently own just over 30 of them, not counting the ones that technically belong to Geoffrey or one of my demonspawn.

I have no clue if this actually happened (I have a hovering suspicion it’s horsefeathers). But damn, it sure did make me smile to read it!

Jennifer Aniston Catches Burgler

LOS ANGELES, CA. (January 3, 2009) A burglar in Los Angeles chose the wrong celebrity to mess with — quite literally.

Actress Jennifer Aniston and her personal assistant Debi Burke returned to Aniston’s Hollywood Hills home yesterday after a week away to find that thieves had emptied almost everything in the house.

“Tears just rolled down my face as I walked in and saw everything gone and piles of trash all over my home,” Aniston reportedly said.

Aniston sent her assistant to the local police precinct to file a report while she inspected the piles left behind. As she walked back into the sunroom, a man walked through the back door straight into her, Aniston said.

“Jenifer caught the thief red-handed in her home,” Burke said. “And what is even crazier, the man even had Jennifer’s hat sitting right on his head.”

Aniston reportedly held the suspect, 33-year-old Tadd Bruce, at gunpoint and told him to sit on the floor until she decided what to do.

“She made this man clean up all the mess he made, piles of stuff, he had thrown out of the drawers and cabinets onto the floor,” Burke said.

When Burke and the police arrived, Bruce complained about being forced to clean the home at gunpoint.

“This man had the nerve to raise sand about us making him clean up the mess he made in my house,” Aniston said incredulously. “The police officer laughed at him when he complained and said anybody else would have shot him dead.”

Police arrested Bruce 2 p.m. Friday on burglary and theft charges. He was being held in the Los Angeles County Detention Facility on a $30,000 bond.

In that silly Dragon Cave game that I play, I try not to name my dragons too ridiculously.

Usually.

Today I had to figure out a name for a male Autumn dragon. Since the design of the Autumn dragon is reminiscent of leaves, I tried to name him “Leaf Garrett” — only to discover that someone else had already taken that name for their dragon! So I tried “Leaf Ericson” and “Leaf Erikson.” Both taken. Going a little more archaic, I tried “Leifr Eiríksson.” Taken. Geoffrey suggested “Leaf Me Alone.” Also taken! Aarrgghh!

Finally settled on “Leaf the Lucky.” At least it’s Norse-themed.

If it weren’t for the weather, I’d probably be getting laid right about now. Goram winter.

Anyway. We found out why we had no Intarnetz, and no OnDemand cable, for the last few days — a tech came out and, after examining our cable line, announced that the guy who did the installation was a lazy fucking son-of-a-bitch and it’s amazing it’s lasted as long as it did and he was going to have to run us a completely new line. (No charge, as a few days ago I cleverly added the dollar-a-month insurance against service charges.) Now we can has cheezburger again.

The holiday preparations have been going moderately well. I am not quite done with my shopping, but I’m not stressed out about it. Que sera, sera…or some such shit.

The only thing that keeps Wednesday from being totally awesome is that it’s a day I have to work. But other than that, it’s always been one of my sentimental favorites.

Anyhow, I got a phone. It’s not purple like my spiffy old phone, and it’s not all that spiffy (it’s actually pretty beat up), but it does what phones are supposed to do (namely, provide me with the ability to text-message, since I hate talking on the phone). And it was free (after a $20 unlocking fee). I just have to get used to the fact that the menu layout is odd, and some of the buttons do entirely different things than I’m used to them doing. *sigh* At least the ringtones selection is pretty good, and the wallpaper is purple. I did lose a whole lot of phone numbers, though, so if you’re pretty sure I don’t have yours and you want me to have it, email it — or Twitter direct-send it — to me.

I also revamped my Google Reader. Until recently, I had a pretty wide variety of blogs on there, but living without a phone (and being a bit too busy for much Internetting) helped me reevaluate what really matters. Mostly family and friends! So I got rid of all the blogs on my reader that weren’t people I’ve actually met in real life, except for 3 people: Orson Scott Card’s column, and a couple of Very Interesting and Entertaining gunblogs.

And now for a nifty meme, compliments of The Breda Fallacy:

And now for something completely TMI…

Got this nifty thing from Expert Witness (a blog I found while on Exile Island last week):

And now for something completely TMI…

This is the ultimate BSG fan-boy or -girl accessory. Oh. My. Gods. *swoon*

Now I must do laundry and cleaning. Nothing like household drudgery to bring a girl back to Earth.

The new Glamour came in the mail today. It’s one of my small indulgences — only $15 for two years (and I have no idea how they can afford to do that; shouldn’t the mailing alone cost at least that much?!), and it’s tons more positive than Cosmo, as smart as Newsweek (which I also read because Claire has a subscription), and more entertaining than People.

But sometimes the ads are scary. Especially the perfume ads, which I detest because those nasty sample scent strips give me migraines (you can always tell when I get a brand-new copy because I’ll be holding it over the trashcan at arm’s length, ripping out the scent strips). But this month, one of the perfume ads made me cringe more than usual: Paris Hilton has a new perfume out called (*gag*) Fairy Dust. You can see the ad here. Doesn’t it make you want to throw up?!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I actually like Paris (in spite of myself — but she can laugh at herself, and that endears her to me a lot); she’s almost single-handedly invented a career out of being a cute party-girl heiress, and that doesn’t suggest to me that she’s as stupid as most people would like to believe. And, like Claire said, her ads make you want to vote for her — because she’s given us more (and better!) information on her policies in those 2 “fake president” ads than we’ve heard from the real candidates in the last 3 weeks! (Loves it, bitches.)

Besides, my youngest makes me think of a teen goth Paris Hilton.
*dies laughing*