It’s official, I’m lactose-intolerant. I’ve suspected this for years, as I always hated drinking milk as a child and stopped drinking it entirely around age 12. I love cheese a lot but learned to avoid large quantities of most kinds of cheese (although apparently I can eat aged Swiss until the sun burns to a cinder, with no ill effects). I also love sour cream a lot, but finally realized that my indulgences at Toxic Hell were often followed by my gut pointedly hating me.

Being not-a-milk-drinker (and having found every non-dairy source of calcium for humans in existence, since I’d rather not end up as a brittle old lady), I almost never ate cold cereal. But I remembered my childhood appreciation for Frosted Mini-Wheats when I saw them on sale last week, and when I saw they had a new flavor out — maple & brown sugar — I had to get some. After all, maple & brown sugar is yummy in damned near anything! Except maybe steak.

As an experiment, I broke down and paid TWICE the cost of regular milk for the Lactaid non-lactose milk. But only a half-gallon — I don’t see myself suddenly becoming enamoured of milk anytime soon, even if it doesn’t make me sick. And several days (and bowls of cereal later), I can confirm that my system has been absolutely fine with the non-lactose milk. I think the issue was further proved last night, as Jenn made scrumptious chili but gave me a bowl with a dollop of sour cream added to cut the spicyness (since I don’t do spices), and I was awake all night with a very angry gut. Damn…it’s Imo for me, and fake sour cream is not half-so-enticing as the real thing. And I’ve heard some people substitute plain yogurt for sour cream, but yogurt is just nasty.

At least I can still eat aged Swiss. (And no jokes about dating geriatric citizens of Bern, thanks.)