9 out of 10 serial killers own cats.

A cat shall lead them — but it will be a trip of sudden starts, stops, reversals and darting from side to side.

A cat is always on the wrong side of a door.

A cat is an animal who never cries over spilled milk.

A cat is an extension of God.

A cat is the universe’s way of showing us perfection.

A cat spends her life conflicted between a deep, passionate and profound desire for fish and an equally deep, passionate and profound desire to avoid getting wet. This is the defining metaphor of my life right now.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.—Jeff Valdez

Catalogue: How to tell one sort of cat from another.

Cats humor us because they know that their ancestors ate ours.

Cats know how we feel. They don’t give a damn, but they know.

Curiosity not only killed the cat, but threw it in the river with weights tied to it’s feet.—Terry Pratchett

Curiosity? Nah. I got THAT cat with a lawnmower.

Don’t ask me. The cats are in charge around here.

Felinious Assault: Striking someone with a cat.

Give the gift that keeps on giving: a female kitten.

Help! I’ve got a cat in my lap and I can’t get up!

I bathed the cat—it took HOURS to get the hair off my tongue!

I have a watch cat! Just break in and she’ll watch.

I inherited curiosity from my cat. Why do you ask?

I like cats, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.

I love cats ‘cause they’re stranger than I am!

If cats have kittens, do bats have bittens?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, those PETA people would be all over your ass in a heartbeat.

Just because a cat licks itself does not mean it is clean; it simply means it is covered in cat spit.

Many people own cats, and go on to lead normal lives.

My cat makes me search the room for invisible intruders.

Never try to outstubborn a cat.

People own dogs. Cats own people.

Put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire!

Q. What is the difference between a cat toy and a scratching post?
A. Anything nailed down is a scratching post, everything else is a cat toy.

Sure, it’s clean laundry. The cat’s sitting on it, isn’t he?

They lied… when they said cats taste like chicken.

To a cat or a teenager, “NO!” means “Not while I’m looking.”

To start your cat collection, simply open a can of tuna.

You are nobody until you have been ignored by a cat.

If you don’t talk to your cat about catnip, someone else will.