Normally my co-workers are easy enough to get along with. Sometimes they’re even entertaining as hell. After all, just in the immediate vicinity of my section of the cubefarm, there’s a guy who’s currently getting his master’s degree in archeology (with a minor in entomology…ew), a sports-crazy old biddy who insists that Jon Bon Jovi will be her next husband, a generally-quiet young lady who occasionally pops up with the most interesting comments, and an entertainingly-moody chick whose manner can go from fondly cheerful to dryly snarky in about 1.4 seconds flat. It’s pretty nifty that 3 of the 5 of us are Geminis, and it’s definitely a requirement in my department to be fluent in sarcasm.

Then there are those moments when someone will say something that just makes me want to smack them into next week. Like the rant that one of my co-workers went on about the FMLA time that another co-worker was taking for medical problems. You see, co-worker A is pregnant, and “only” got 2 days a month approved off for the various miseries associated with pregnancy. Co-worker B has endometriosis and migraines, and recently took 6 weeks off work (medical leave) to have a hysterectomy. Co-worker A spent quite a little time bitching the other day about co-worker B being back to work for a week or so, then taking a few more days off, when “the hysterectomy took care of the endometriosis, so why is she taking more days off and saying that’s the reason?” - and bitching about the fact that the same person also gets medical leave for migraines, because it’s “just headaches.”

Obviously, I was tempted beyond belief to take somebody’s head clean off. But I’ve learned a few things about discretion being the better part of valor…not to mention it being the better part of not being hated by people with whom I have to spend 40 hours a week. However, I do have a blog. Oh yessiree, I do.

First of all, co-worker A needs to get the fuck over herself. She is NOT sick, she is pregnant. Last time I checked, being pregnant was (99.5% of the time!) a normal, healthy, largely problem-free physical state. A pregnant woman may not be comfortable, or graceful, or well-rested, or free of aches, but she is not sick. I’ve had 2 full-term pregnancies (one of which had valid, and quite serious, medical problems in the third trimester), so I am well aware of how crappy pregnancy can make you feel. But it’s not a disease or an illness, or even a disorder.

Second, endometriosis is not necessarily cured by a hysterectomy, since endometrial tissue can (and often does) leave the uterus and attach itself to other spots inside the abdominal cavity. Getting rid of the uterus gets rid of the source of the tissue, but it doesn’t always get rid of the problems caused by bits of tissue that have already gotten out of the uterus in the past. So co-worker A’s sniping was fucking ignorant.

Third, migraines are not “just headaches.” Migraine is a disease, and headaches are one of the symptoms. Migraine is every bit as serious and real a disease as diabetes or asthma, and yes it can kill you. People who think a migraine attack is “just” a headache need to get whomped on with a clue stick. When you get “just” a headache, you take Tylenol or Advil. Guess what? When I get “just” a headache, I take Tylenol or Advil, too!

When I get a migraine, however, I have to take a shot that retails at $60, in order to be able to function. Otherwise, it’s almost impossible for me to focus my eyes, tolerate any sound louder than about 30 decibels, walk, drive, or do much of anything other than hold very still while trying not to whimper. Unless treated, a migraine episode can last days on end. Does that sound like “just” a headache?

And my last point, which is that, as long as abortion is legal in this country, pregnancy is a choice. I’m certain that my co-worker A chose the activity which got her pregnant (since she’s living with her fiance, who proposed before she got pregnant), and she’s certainly choosen to stay pregnant. I’m equally certain that my co-worker B did not choose to have endometriosis or migraine.

If only I could tele-commute, life could be damned near perfect.